It seems a bit fuzzy to me in the sense that you're not in a full blown A. Yet. Save for the anger, it reminds me of the start of my EA (I'm S, xAP was a MM), that eventually went into a PA as RBM points out. The starting off as friends, the creeping feeling that I shouldn't talk to this person, feeling that my emotions were getting involved but not being sure that his were and then when I started to pull away because it hurt; he poured on all the attention, the over-share of 'life', the 'I love you'. Yes, it will be hard to just go NC and cut this person off. But read around here and see what some folks have gone through, what might be waiting for you if you don't cut contact. As for how? You could send him a note (I sent xAP a quick one) but be sure it doesn't start a whole back and forth war of 'why'. Other than that, you just do it. I don't know if there are any other boards here on IV that deal with issues of NC, so I'm sure you'll be welcomed here as you take that on. It's also possible that there are some elements there already of an EA and you'll need to process those. Can I say with 100% certainty that you'll end up in an A with this person? No, of course not. But, I do see a lot of similarities with how mine started. Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do!
---- 'It may be that when we no longer know what to do, We have come to our real work, And that when we no longer know which way to go, We have begun our real journey' - Wendell Berry
---- 'It may be that when we no longer know what to do, We have come to our real work, And that when we no longer know which way to go, We have begun our real journey' - Wendell Berry
I suppose i appear coy and perhaps he is perplexed by my behavior as much as I am his. There is one thing I am sure about though, I will not engage in a physical affair. I have feelings for this man but they are notstrong enough to push me that far. I do like having him as a friend and it's been a long time since he confessed his feelings for me. I don't believe that is on his agenda anymore.
My real issue is that I have what I originally wanted: to be friends with him, chat once in awhile. He tried to move it forward and I declined. But my feelings for him continued to grow and now I am the one that cannot handle being friends!
I just don't know how to end a friendship or what to say, if anything. I don't know if he knows how i feel as I certainly have never told him. He knows I care about him as a friend tho.
My friends are convinced he keeps up the contact with me in the hopes that something might change, but it won't. Especially after hearing these stories!
I went for almost an entire year without talking or seeing him. If I make up my mind, I can do it again.
Yep. The choice is yours, honey. You are having an EA whether you want to admit it or not. It is not a friendship if this has been kept a secret from your H. Read the book, "Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass" at your local library, or just thumb through it if you have an afternoon free to browse a bookstore/library. It's
This is your weakness.
This is your being stoked and liking it.
This is your failure to set boundaries.
You are leading him on, even subtle.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Hey there NMC,
It seems a bit fuzzy to me in the sense that you're not in a full blown A. Yet. Save for the anger, it reminds me of the start of my EA (I'm S, xAP was a MM), that eventually went into a PA as RBM points out. The starting off as friends, the creeping feeling that I shouldn't talk to this person, feeling that my emotions were getting involved but not being sure that his were and then when I started to pull away because it hurt; he poured on all the attention, the over-share of 'life', the 'I love you'.
Yes, it will be hard to just go NC and cut this person off. But read around here and see what some folks have gone through, what might be waiting for you if you don't cut contact. As for how? You could send him a note (I sent xAP a quick one) but be sure it doesn't start a whole back and forth war of 'why'. Other than that, you just do it. I don't know if there are any other boards here on IV that deal with issues of NC, so I'm sure you'll be welcomed here as you take that on. It's also possible that there are some elements there already of an EA and you'll need to process those.
Can I say with 100% certainty that you'll end up in an A with this person? No, of course not. But, I do see a lot of similarities with how mine started.
Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do!
----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
I suppose i appear coy and perhaps he is perplexed by my behavior as much as I am his. There is one thing I am sure about though, I will not engage in a physical affair. I have feelings for this man but they are notstrong enough to push me that far. I do like having him as a friend and it's been a long time since he confessed his feelings for me. I don't believe that is on his agenda anymore.
My real issue is that I have what I originally wanted: to be friends with him, chat once in awhile. He tried to move it forward and I declined. But my feelings for him continued to grow and now I am the one that cannot handle being friends!
I just don't know how to end a friendship or what to say, if anything. I don't know if he knows how i feel as I certainly have never told him. He knows I care about him as a friend tho.
My friends are convinced he keeps up the contact with me in the hopes that something might change, but it won't. Especially after hearing these stories!
I went for almost an entire year without talking or seeing him. If I make up my mind, I can do it again.
Thanks for the advice!
NMC,
<>
Yep. The choice is yours, honey. You are having an EA whether you want to admit it or not. It is not a friendship if this has been kept a secret from your H. Read the book, "Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass" at your local library, or just thumb through it if you have an afternoon free to browse a bookstore/library. It's
~Iddy~