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| Tue, 09-14-2010 - 5:24am |
I am new on this and found it by searching ending an affair.. My brief history is that I have been very unahppy in my marriage which led me to begin a friendship with someone that ended with us having an Affair.

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HM,
I'm short on time at the moment but I wanted to welcome you to EAS. To give you some food for thought, you will not be able to resolve your marital issues with AP in the picture. You have to end this A for good, regardless of your feelings for this man. Remember, they are just feelings and nothing tangible ever grows out of an A. You will get over him by letting him go and completely following the NC rules that we advocate on this board. We all at one time thought it was "love" we were feeling for our XAP's but what you'll discover through NC is that it was "how he made you feel," and love really has nothing to do with it. Love is based in reality
~Iddy~
I'm glad you've found us. This is a most amazing place where you will find support, strength and healing. Congratulations on your decision to end your A and invest in your real life.
Kudos and bravos aside, there is no way to "turn off" the feelings created by the disaster of an affair. Hence the reason they become so painful and destructive. Affairs don't "just happen" to us--they are the result of calculated and repeated steps to ensure the outcome. Ending our affairs doesn't "just happen" either. Ending requires focus, commitment and a resolve to get back up every time we stumble or fall. It involves choosing ourselves, our real lives, our husbands & families if we have them---over and over and over again. It takes work and practice, and in the beginning it hurts alot. If you are committed to reclaiming your life, we are here to stand with you.
best,
lillie
Thank you so much for your warm welcome, it really helps to know that other people are going/gone through this and can help me stop my destructive behaviour.
HM,
I understand what you mean when you say that you feel guilty and don't think you deserve another shot at your M. Just keep in mind that your husband and children deserve another shot at your M. Your guilt about the A needs to take a backseat to their needs.
You have a good opportunity while he's away to put your NC plan in place and buck up for his return. I hope you'll take full advantage of it.
best,
Dee
Welcome to the board.
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Thank you for your messages, you are right Dee I do owe it to them to give it another chance and I will just try shut the door on it.
I am really getting my head into the NC I am imagining my life without him in it as you are right mom_garfy it is never ever going to go anywhere so what is the point of it continuing.
Good decision headmessed... The once a week outing will definitely reconnect you guys and will do tons of good.
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Thanks Garfy, that is a really good way to look at it.
That's funny how you said it : Your H hates talking about emotions.
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Hi HM,
Welcome!
"And I know that when he contacts me I have to end it,"
You deleted his number so you won't make initial contact, but you said when he contacts you, you have to end it. DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CONTACT YOU...
Block his number. Most cell phone carriers allow you to do this and may need to be repeated every few months, but do it now. That is how you end it, block and walk away! It's hard, I know it is. Been there, done that as we all have, but it will, I promise it will, get easier!
We are here for you!
MovingON
MovingON
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