What a difference a day makes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
What a difference a day makes
7
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:59pm

what a difference a day makes....i thought i was doing so well

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 9:27pm

oh nc...poor poppet. i absolutely HATE those sleepless nights, awake with your own ghosts and demons.

your business partner's words caused the wound to re-open, because like you said, t'ville is just the beginning of the healing process. like any life changing event, the immediate aftermath consists of survival and transition, and the real processing doesn't occur until a bit later. so thats what you're doing now, you're getting past the rawness and getting in to the warm gooey center, where all the good stuff is.

this guy is taking up too much of your headspace right now. consider the irony in your statement that his W is trying to tell you what to do, and you wont put up with that, but on the same token, you are indeed allowing yourself to be jerked around by your own pride.

i completely empathize, because i am the same way. but here's the thing--that pride you're channeling, its only been building up because you've been able to maintain NC this long. you've been able to reconnect a bit with yourself and rebuild yourself. imagine how you felt in the beginning of the break up, how broken and beaten you felt. you NEVER want to feel like that again. breaking NC is just going to set you back.

if you need a dose of reality or a kick in the pants, read your OWN early posts. or go to MAS. you know why things are better off this way.

A's are, at their core, selfish and desctructive. while both parties involved may care about each other, the emotions are expressed under the most artificial, contrived circumstances, and each sweet nothing is eclipsed by the shadow of deceit and dishonesty. if you and AP had been single and had the opportunity to have a "real" relationship, who knows if there would have been nearly as much passion, excitement, banter, etc. we're not ourselves in an A, we're compromised versions of ourselves. kindly send your business partner my way and i will straighten her out :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 1:17am

Hey NCx point that face in my direction and I will give it my best slap...and you know what? It would hurt 1000X less than the pain that would result from any contact with xAP. We could talk ourselves blue in the face about the reasons why it could help, but in the end we just know it wont, right?. And god forbid he says "OMG NC I have been thinking about you non-stop for the past (almost) 10 weeks and I just can not live without you, thank you so much for contacting me". Resume the "that early pain was raw, sad and painful" (notice you used the word PAIN twice!

But I am not here to convince you how bad it would be to contact him, other much wiser posters will do that with much more elegance and wit (and besides that you already KNOW). I actually am breaking my silence to say I FEEL YOU SISTER! relentless and never ending INDEED.

It is late here, and I too have watched many hours and minutes tick off the clock in the wee hours for the past days (hell maybe even weeks). But my mind too has been a schemeing. I am leaving tomorrow to go back to my home state and play in a golf tourney with my dad, brothers, uncles and cousins (I will hug lots of trees I promise that :). The have done it every year for the past 15 years but I have only been able to play once before. So needless to say I am excited to be able to attend the fun this year, but guess what....my mind has asked me how I could find a way to go and see, or contact xAP! When I booked my air travel I specifically did so that I had very little time on either end of the tourney, but yet somewhere inside a piece of me is dying to see her. When instead, I should be rejoicing in the fact that this will be the first time in over 2+ years when I am going 'home' without the added pressure of lying to EVERYONE (family, friends, etc) in order to spend 90% of my time trying to be with xAP. I should be happy that I will go and have fun with good people without having to steal away any time to txt, chat, call, plan with xAP. So I am working hard to convince myself to be fully present in the weekend.

And besides, would would I get if I did try and see her? Certainly not the type of response I posed above...nope I would get a great big crap sandwich to chew on. She would ask WTF I was doing there, and tell me again that she is working hard to rebuild her M for her family's sake and escape from the HUGE mistake that I played a big role in her making. And surely to add the relish scraped directly from a skunks behind, would once again tell me how she never meant anything she said to me and I was a speck of dust in the totality of her life. YEAH OUCH, ahhhh NO THANKS.

So there I go running my mouth again, but really just in an attempt to try and let you know that I can relate (once again) to precisely how you are feeling.

But relentless and never ending? I will tell you about relentless and never ending....her name is NCx! And I am proud to have been running behind her these last two months, learning and growing from each and every word of hers. If you need a push I will come from behind and do so...or hell if needed I will do my best Samwise impression and carry you to T'ville, cause I sure as hell aint going there without you and our tickets are already booked!

You are not being stupid, you are being REAL. Dont be sorry you came to vent, be thankful and respectful there is a place for you to do so (without it there would be a whole lot of faces getting slapped over and over and over). You know that by doing so you will find the strength and clarity to make it over this wave, and once again find the peaceful current to ride all the way to the never ending.

Sending you big ((HUGS)) and calming, peaceful, restful vibes
For what its worth...
Peace&Light
Foggy

p.s. I will be thinking of you (not rooting for)each time I head into the woods to shag a wayward ball. :)

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:00am

Dear sweet NC



You have been such an inspiration to me and this post shows me that you are even more an inspiration than I thought!



I am literally 10weeks behind you, but I can imagine how this never goes away- or takes a truckload of time! I would feel exactly the same way as you if some thoughtless (but well meaning) person started sprouting about how great I was with xAP, or how better xAP was for me

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:54am

((((NC))))

The title of your thread is "what a difference a day makes" and I'm hoping that a new day has brought you (will bring you...dang time difference) new and improved thoughts. I died laughing at Iggy's "you burp, you fart, etc. paragraph. But it's true - for both APs. We put our best face forward constantly during the A. We don't have to see the messed up hair and smell the bad breath every morning. You've got a great life - a great real life. Your upcoming trip will be awesome. And you better not f*&k up, because you are my roomie in Tweenerville and I'm going to be mad if you leave me hanging girl.

There was a great line in Mad Men last Sunday that Don wrote in his journal - "People tell you who they are but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be"

I hope you get sleep Poppit :) The ringtone on my phone for my DD is her when she was about 10 years old saying "Hello Poppit" in her best British accent!

Bodhi x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:16am

NC, I just wanted to send you hugs and tell you, you will be alright.



You were doing just fine until your business partner brought xAP up in a conversation.

Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:24am

Dear NC,

Let me tell you woman, I feel your pain. I am experiencing this right now in my own academic circles. My xAP and I were co-authors and co-researchers: we did incredible work together, there's no getting around that. However, it was that work that brought us together in ways that were so very harmful. There are times when I feel tired, or depressed, or just plain lonely, that I wonder what opportunities I have chosen to walk away from in order to get some distance from xAP. I know that I have passed down work with him that would assist me in my career, but you know what, I was dying inside the affair. I couldn't appreciate any good accomplishments in my life because they were so connected to xAP. Ever small - large accomplishment we had together, was celebrated separately because we have RLs and partners who wanted to be there for us. We had to find those fleeting moments in between to celebrate - I was constantly hurting, and so was he. It was awful, an awful price to pay for a few lines on my CV, or even the financial gain.

So - all this to say, your pain resonates with me. It feels relentless at times, but it was relentless in the affair too. This pain will serve a purpose, just like the pain of giving birth: it is pain with a purpose (to birth our new selves),and NOT the pain of self-inflicted injury.

Much Love,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:48am

(((Exi))), (((MM))), (((IGS))), (((Bodes))), (((Garfy))), (((TU)))



New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,