Concern

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Concern
13
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 2:49pm

Good afternoon wise ladies,



Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 2:58pm

garfy,

isn't it funny how we think something's wrong when things are right?

first thing you shouild remember is that there is no "right" way to feel during the end of an A. there is a whirlwind of emotions you will experience at any given moment. some days you will feel light and relieved and others you will feel horribly guilty and alone. you may also be distancing/disconnecting from the emotional experience a bit, which is okay at first, because its self protective.

you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. i get it. but i feel like you're waiting for some dramatic break down to hit you. i dont know if that will happen. you're not in lala land with your H, you're just feeling good about the choice you made, and that is okay. you will have days where you dont feel good or you question yourself. the other shoe may not drop entirely, but there will be moments of pain. you have felt so many things over the past few months that you have put yourself through the emotional ringer. maybe you're "all cried out", to quote a bad pop song.

point is, you feel what you feel, and its OKAY. it doesn't make you cold and heartless or stupid or empty or anything. you're processing in YOUR OWN way. today, you feel good. you feel relieved. enjoy those moments and consider them to be a reflection of the fact that you made the right choice. on the hard days, remind yourself of the good days and remind yoruself that without NC, those good days will get fewer and further between.

most importantly, dont psych yourself out of happiness. you DESERVE to be happy with your H. we all do, even though we've screwed up. part of what pushed us into As was a lack of self respect. time to get that back baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 4:31pm

Hi Exi, thanks for the words of encouragement.



Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 8:41pm

Oh Garfy,

I'm sorry he fished. That puts you in such a difficult place. You'll be OK. Just know that you will experience a flurry of emotions, both good and bad, throughout your recovery period. It's OK to hate him. It's OK to feel sad. And it's great to feel on top of the world. Good for you for deleting that email. Those little triggers are so powerful.

You're on the right track, Garfy. Hang tough! We're here whenever you need us.

((hugs))
CSN

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 9:22am

Thank you CSN :)



Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 1:36pm

It sounds like you might need to get out the heavy artillery!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 2:06pm

Thanks CSN.

Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:38pm

Hi Garfy :)

Just keep your EAS floaties on because you are finding out that ending an A is full of waves. You need to delete before you read if the fishing continues. Frankly, his fireplace/warm blanket comment made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Does he write for a soap opera? ;)

<<<>>>

You have control over this Garfy. You are LETTING him bring you down. You have a choice. NC = no new hurts = no new sadness. No contact also means not reading emails, texts, etc. He probably will fish again - knowing how the last attempt made you feel, will you do things differently next time?

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:47pm

Bodhi, you are right.

Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 4:00pm

That's right!

When I first started posting here the middle of June, my XAP was on his little vaca with his W and I refused to answer the phone. He left me very mean voice mails, after listening to the first one and part of the second one, I had my little finger on the "7" on my cell phone - hit twice fast and never had to hear another word.

<<<>>>

Isn't your XAP single? It really doesn't matter why - the important thing is that you don't bite.

Bodhi


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: _mom_garfy_
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 5:47pm

Bodhi,

My xAP is single, yes.

I guess this "drama" will continue until he finds someone else or something.

He's a great guy and should not have any problem finding someone new.
Writing that pinches my heart a bit, but it's reality.

Sad but true.

Garfy



NC since 13 September 2010 and feeling great!



Fate decides who walks into your life, but you decide who you let stay, who you let walk away and who you refuse to let walk out.

Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

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