He doesn't want me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
He doesn't want me....
15
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 6:44am

Hi all



Well Im still hanging in there- barely! I havent contacted him (after I broke NC last week) and he sure as hell hasnt tried to contact me. I know thats a good thing- but it

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 7:41am

Iggy,



I think it is important to realize that just because he hasn't contacted you does not reflect want of any kind but a respect - it's just that he realizes, like you, that it is over.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 8:18am

I don't have any real advice for you Iggy and I am very

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 8:49am

OK Iggy......MY TURN...



'He doesnt want me'......firstly it is NOT all about HIM,

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:28am

And then twist a little more:

YOU DO NOT WANT HIM!

I must say, you newer posters are rocking my socks off!

All of you in this thread (yes even you iggy because you are trying your a$$ off to get this time round right) - but my word, Bird?! wowzers, you better be posting here and not holding back, and NC - you keep getting stronger and stronger ... Lolly - you came out of the gates runnung, and have been working the work of ending your affair so hard. All of you are truly inspirational!

It has been a pleasure and a true benefit to this community to have all 4 of you here!

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:48am

I am thankful for this post because I too have definitely felt this way. I've been out of my A for 14 weeks and since we were on and off again so many times for two years I didn't think it would stick this time (this time he ended it) therefore it stings a little more for me.



He use to be crazy about me; still was as of April (last time we were together) but I think he had enough; enough of the guilt, hiding, it was eating him up, messed with his concience a lot, hated feeling like a pig every day he said. He knew I was so torn over the whole thing, knew/knows I am a Christian who goes to church on Sunday's and how it would just eat at me, he knew I was hurting not to mention if we got caught his marrige and mine would be OVER, we work together so our jobs would be history too (he is VP so is way up there and has much more to lose here at work if we had gotten busted) so you see, why would he or why would I for that matter allow the insanity to continue??



Same with your XAP; he knows all that is at steak and I do believe that when they don't reply, respond, reach out, chase, fish or whatever they are doing so out of respect. It took me a while to realize and believe this but I finally have. I even posted a thread about I want him to fish, lol and even to this day I still want some sort of personal conversation out of him, for him to at least try but honestly I'm not strong enough yet to walk away from it and he knows this. He knows I'm not and if he did "go there" he knows he would be taking advantage of me and opening those wounds that are starting to close/heal.



It isn't that he doesn't want you, he does he just knows he can't have you.



Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 11:34am

Why thank you! :-) ...will certainly do my best to give as much as I take

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 4:58pm
Wow...I could have written your post myself. Ended my 3 year A this week..not
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 9:48pm

Hi everyone



Thank you sooo much for all your words. I totally understand that this is about ME and the issues that got me into the A in the first place. Self-esteem, anxiety about 'is this all there is', getting older, boredom. I get all that- really. But putting it into practice is the hard part for me. I have read so many books lately but trying to actually stop the thought, recognise it as my addiction crying out for a high, and replacing the thought with something positive- has been very hard!



Dj- I feel you honey. I ended it too but he didnt seem to put up a fight at all. Yes there were tears, I emailed and texted straight after saying that Id made a mistake (Ugh- so weak) and them texted 5 days later to fish. He responded everytime (never fished himself though) to say that this was probably the right decision, I am obviously unhappy.



The PR*CK! We have had 18mths, we went away for 5 nights during that time, he professed love, we were soulmates, we were going to think about our future- after 5 years time. He wanted us to be lovers forever! He bought me gifts- you f*cking name it! We did it! He ended it twice, begged me to take him back- and I did. I ended it, begged to work it out- and *poof* he's gone!



So today I am really struggling with those feelings. I am remembering only the good times, and feeling like he must be confused or something- surely if he REALLY understood how much I want him back- he would come back.



But this is my addiction talking. My addiction to the highs I got from his (very superficial) attention. I'll keep reading, keep journaling, and work through it.



DJ- I certainly would never judge you for breaking NC. I did and regret it! But we all have to make whatever mistakes along the way to finally get there. You are beautiful and you are loved! Take it day by day and we are all here for you.



NC, TU, Crazy, Lolly, Bird-THANKYOU!!!!! I will reread your words over and over- this is about me I know it!!!!



Iggy xx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 7:07am

{{Iggy}}..... breathe ...

...take a breath ...then a deep one ...then focus your thoughts on just ONE thing ...

...Hypothetically he caves and says he wants you back ...what exactly will 'back' be for 'you'?

Write it out ...the reality of how that R will function ....don't analyze it ...just write it out ....

Xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 9:03am

Thank you Bird. Im definately writing lots of stuff. I wrote a couple of 'visual' things that are helping me through- I posted them separately. They are just my ramblings but deinately helping me.



Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do

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