First, welcome to the board. Thing are pretty quiet here on weekends, so please don't feel like no one cares. You have come to the right place if you are looking to heal and move forward.
It sounds to me that while the A has ended, you are still emotionally caught in the fog of what could be - unrealized dreams are in fact dreams - they are not reality. There are many reasons you have not got to a point of indifference, but mainly I'd say because you are still looking for him to come back and validate that what you had was real and special.
The unfortunate truth is that A's are neither real love, special or unique. If you read through the threads here, you'll notice that (as someone recently said on this board) - we all have the same story. The contents may shift a little, but A's are A's.
Are you married? Kids? Divorced? Can you share a bit more of your story?
I'm still newly out of my A, in the process of D and learning a lot about myself in T. I think the biggest thing is to not seek indifference, but seek to heal the parts of you still broken that need the emotional fill or validation from something like an A which is not real, but made you feel the emotional high that all of us have experienced.
Read here, know you are not alone - Great big HUGS that you will stay and learn about yourself!
<<I want to reach the point of indifference, how do I get there? I want to forget this ‘unrealized dream’. Anybody here had issues with this ?>>
Like any unrealized dream, we will always think of what could have been. The key is to "accept" that this dream is never going to materialize, and then let go of it. Yes, it will remain an unrealized dream but some dreams are not meant to be fulfilled, especially if doing so would be at the expense of hurting innocent people.
I am not following your line of thinking that an "unrealized dream" is always the best? I see it in a completely different light. I see them as being "unrealistic", and should be viewed as a lesson that needs to be learned.
I’m not married, never did, no kids and I stay alone. This A was my first and definitely my last. Well, it’s the same old story, my xAP was miserable in this broken M, convinced me D was just around the corner, I waited and waited, eventually it became clear to me we were going nowhere. Came here, started lurking, went on NC, he fished, I caved in and the cycle repeats till one day, when the lows became too unbearable, I started posting here and asked for help. The ladies here, esp lovely, messenger, logan…they were with me all the way and got me out and today I’m out. This A is a closed chapter in my life and I’ve moved on.
I’m living a whole life now, no more clutching on to my phone as though my life depended on it, I was a slave to my
I think I know what you mean- that basically the fantasy that stopped mid-way, will always look better than a fantasy that got to live into its non-fantasy days.
To me its like the many beautiful people who died in their prime- Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Princess Diana. If they had grown into old scraggy use-to-be's, we wouldnt idolize them as much.
They did great things- no doubt about it- but would we remember them as fondly if they had grown old, made a few wrong moves,
I think I know what you mean- that basically the fantasy that stopped mid-way, will always look better than a fantasy that got to live into its non-fantasy days
Yes, this is it, you're spot on. I've got to copy this somewhere and memorize it ! Ha ha! Thanks
You know, when the A ended, I was a total wreck. It was when I actually got out of the A, I saw my xAP for what he is. I know I will never be happy even if I married him. We're from two different worlds.
It's the incredible highs I get from this A that I'm finding it hard to let go completely. I know, it's just a fantasy.
SN09,
First, welcome to the board. Thing are pretty quiet here on weekends, so please don't feel like no one cares. You have come to the right place if you are looking to heal and move forward.
It sounds to me that while the A has ended, you are still emotionally caught in the fog of what could be - unrealized dreams are in fact dreams - they are not reality. There are many reasons you have not got to a point of indifference, but mainly I'd say because you are still looking for him to come back and validate that what you had was real and special.
The unfortunate truth is that A's are neither real love, special or unique. If you read through the threads here, you'll notice that (as someone recently said on this board) - we all have the same story. The contents may shift a little, but A's are A's.
Are you married? Kids? Divorced? Can you share a bit more of your story?
I'm still newly out of my A, in the process of D and learning a lot about myself in T. I think the biggest thing is to not seek indifference, but seek to heal the parts of you still broken that need the emotional fill or validation from something like an A which is not real, but made you feel the emotional high that all of us have experienced.
Read here, know you are not alone - Great big HUGS that you will stay and learn about yourself!
SN,
<<I want to reach the point of indifference, how do I get there? I want to forget this ‘unrealized dream’. Anybody here had issues with this ?>>
Like any unrealized dream, we will always think of what could have been. The key is to "accept" that this dream is never going to materialize, and then let go of it. Yes, it will remain an unrealized dream but some dreams are not meant to be fulfilled, especially if doing so would be at the expense of hurting innocent people.
I am not following your line of thinking that an "unrealized dream" is always the best? I see it in a completely different light. I see them as being "unrealistic", and should be viewed as a lesson that needs to be learned.
~Iddy~
Thanks Lolly, Iddy,
I’m not married, never did, no kids and I stay alone. This A was my first and definitely my last. Well, it’s the same old story, my xAP was miserable in this broken M, convinced me D was just around the corner, I waited and waited, eventually it became clear to me we were going nowhere. Came here, started lurking, went on NC, he fished, I caved in and the cycle repeats till one day, when the lows became too unbearable, I started posting here and asked for help. The ladies here, esp lovely, messenger, logan…they were with me all the way and got me out and today I’m out. This A is a closed chapter in my life and I’ve moved on.
I’m living a whole life now, no more clutching on to my phone as though my life depended on it, I was a slave to my
Hi SN09
I think I know what you mean- that basically the fantasy that stopped mid-way, will always look better than a fantasy that got to live into its non-fantasy days.
To me its like the many beautiful people who died in their prime- Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Princess Diana. If they had grown into old scraggy use-to-be's, we wouldnt idolize them as much.
They did great things- no doubt about it- but would we remember them as fondly if they had grown old, made a few wrong moves,
Hi Iggyx,
I think I know what you mean- that basically the fantasy that stopped mid-way, will always look better than a fantasy that got to live into its non-fantasy days
Yes, this is it, you're spot on. I've got to copy this somewhere and memorize it ! Ha ha! Thanks
I have been out of my A for over
You're right. I'm sabotaging myself !
You know, when the A ended, I was a total wreck. It was when I actually got out of the A, I saw my xAP for what he is. I know I will never be happy even if I married him. We're from two different worlds.
It's the incredible highs I get from this A that I'm finding it hard to let go completely. I know, it's just a fantasy.