I don't know what to do
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I don't know what to do
| Sun, 09-19-2010 - 5:09pm |
My A is difficult. I know they all are, but I am having alot of trouble just living these days. We just ended it. I am married. He is married. We both have kids. He is, my older

IAIM,
First I would like to welcome you to EAS. I am sorry you are in such pain, and if you keep reading here you will learn that this is what we've all gone through when an A ends. Even though they are not considered a real relationship, emotions are still involved that feel very real. What you believe to be love is more about the good feelings and attention the A/AP provided for you.
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Withdrawal symptoms *do* feel like we have a disease. If you are in the camp that Alcoholism is a disease, then the addiction we develop to the A and our AP would be very similar. We crave their attention and when we don't get it, we act desperate and needy for just one little txt msg. or email. Our minds become fixated on the AP and we can think of
~Iddy~
Hi And Welcome.
Hi IAIM
Yes I know how much pain you are currently in- its like hell. A few of us newbies are currently in this pain, and I am happy to acknowledge that the vets on the board HAVE been in this excruciating emotional agony, and have passed through it!!
I agree with all the advice you have been given above. The 'love' you felt wasnt true love honey- I know it feels like it! But you dont know this man in all the gray, boring light of RL. You only know him in the romantic escape from RL.
He is not 'your guy'. He is another woman's guy. Your guy is only a phone call away from having his heart pulled out his throat- he's the one you should be concentrating on.
You need to look at what it is in YOU that lead you to need external validation. You need to work on your M and decide if your H is the man you wnat in your life. If he isnt, you have to leave and make that sitaution viable BEFORE you ever enter into a relationship with someone else.
This is about you mate! YOU! Look into your soul, your mind and let your guy (H) know you are there!
Iggyx
I appreciate the kind words.
I'm scared for this week. My boss is out of town and I work in a 2 person office. What this means is that I will have 5 days of working alone, and 5 days of obsessing and analyzing, and thinking....and this is NOT what I need right now. I am in such a desparate state right now, wanting him to contact me-- the humorous part about this, for me, is that I refuse to contact HIM b/c of my ego. Altho, if I truly had any self esteem, my a** wouldn't be in this sitch to begin with.
Well, off to get ready for wk. I'll be dropping my child off at school, and then steady streaming John Mayer in my car all the way down the interstate. B/c, well, you know.. thats healthy. AND, since I am sharing how pathetic I am, I just keep constantly posting Maroon 5 lyrics on Facebook, hoping he reactivates his acct and sees them.
Pathetic. Laughable. Ridiculous.
Me, at the present---
You arent pathetic honey.
Put on some 'I am Woman!!'
:)
Welcome IAIM :)
Like you, I work in a 2 person office and it's very hard to have free time on your hands when you are going through this. Fortunately, I'm the boss so I could leave when I needed to. I don't know your working situation, but be as proactive as you can this week. If you can step out for a few minutes when you feel the walls closing in on you, do so. I took power walks, I ran to Starbucks, I just plain left sometimes! And I read everything I could on EAS - especially the Healing Library.
<<>>>
You let that ego of yours continue to protect you! Our self esteem has a way of slowly disintegrating during an A. Mine was overflowing at the beginning of mine. I'm just starting to feel it coming back.
<<>>
OK, I don't know John Mayer songs - is it healthy or are you being sarcastic? My point is, don't do more to make yourself feel worse.
<<<Me, at the present--->>>>
Strong. Confident. Happy.
You, in the future.
Keep reading and posting.
Bodhi
well,
i just wanted to share what i did today and how it turned out.
i was feeling down in the dumps, obviously, at the start. i broke NC.., but, it kinda helped me-- b/c i am ending this day laughing and... let's just say i had an "ah-ha" moment. i know it could just be a stage, but, its feeling pretty good. i contacted him to let him know, that he didn't have to worry-- about his wife finding out, that i had spoken to my brother and that nothing was going to be passed along.
i sent this in a text. but, i made certain that the text didn't sound emotional at all. just very cut and dry, but, obviously, from ME and just passing on information.
( i know, i know, you don't need to say it)
well, he writes me back a text that says this, "whos this?"
ok, we broke things off last tuesday, for good.
lol. really? the biggest event in either of our lives just ended last week and who's this? thats something i would pull in high school. you know, after a boy dumps you and a couple of weeks later he calls or texts you
Hi IAIM
I had moy own 'a-ha' moment today and I feel sort of ok about it all. But PLEASE stay strong, no more responding and lets get our lives back
Iggyxx
well, he writes me back a text that says this, "whos this?"
ok, we broke things off last tuesday, for good.
lol. really? the biggest event in either of our lives just ended last week and who's this? thats something i would pull in high school. you know, after a boy dumps you and a couple of weeks later he calls or texts you
Hello and welcome to EAS-
I suggest you read as much as you can in the healing library immediately and get into independent counseling if you can. This is going to hurt for awhile and you will have to sort through a lot of gunk to find the peace you need. Just remember, that peace must come from you. It cannot come from someone else, especially not xap. So, make a vow to go NC completely right now- sending him a text to let him know his wife won't find out was just a bad excuse to contact him. And I am not scolding you, just calling you out so that you can think about your actions before moving forward with them in the future. Had you posted here before texting him to ask for advice, we could have given you a list of 1000 reasons why contacting him is a bad idea. I am glad you are feeling a bit of closure at the moment, but I will warn you that you have a long road ahead, full of ups and downs and the resolve you feel now will abandon you at times. So, please keep coming here, reading and contributing to this community. It will help you see the truth about your situation and help you take steps to move past it.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/