How to help husband w/ BPD
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How to help husband w/ BPD
| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 11:41am |
My Husband has been diagnosed w/ BPD II (more mild form). He is in therapy and taking meds, but his nurse practitioner who provides the meds has tried about every combination. It seems he is drug-resistant. Right now he is doing ok. He started a new job a few months ago after being out of work for over a year w/ an injury, so I think that is better for him to be working. We have the usual stresses besides that--it is a 2nd marriage for both and we have 3 kids between us, so we have the usual family problems.
It seems like every time I relax when things are going ok he will suddenly have an angry outburst over something really stupid. Of course that gets me angry and then we end up having a yelling fight and being angry at each other for a couple of days. He will then calm down and act as if everything is normal. He never says he is sorry and I am supposed to just go on as if nothing happened. I still have the hurt feelings inside. He has memory loss so maybe he doesn't even remember what he said but unfortunately I do. We have been in counselling together and I told him the thing that was really important to me was that he not swear at me when we are having an argument. He can never hold back from doing that, however. He even swears at his 14 yr. old daughter when he is mad at her. I find this very degrading and low class behavior. My question to people who have BPD is--is there anything I can do to make him calm down when he is starting on one of his rants? Obviously yelling back isn't good but I don't feel like just sitting there and having him berate me for nothing. I feel like leaving the house temporarily but I don't feel I should leave him with the kids. Sometimes he leaves which is good. He is in counselling because I told him he has anger issues and he is working on that supposedly.
Lately his daughter has been doing things like skipping school and not doing her homework, being on the phone late at night when she is supposed to be sleeping, etc. I think he is going to get her into counselling. He has dealt w/ it ok, by taking away some privileges, but I don't think he should be yelling and swearing at her either. It certainly doesn't help their relationship. Now I know we had a big cellphone bill last month and I have been told by the company that his daughter caused the bill to be large because of downloading ring tones, text messaging, etc. We haven't received the bill and every day I dread getting it because i hate it when he gets bad news. I thought we would have received the bill by now, so I'm suspicious that his daughter got it and threw it out but I'm not going to say anything. I just always feel on edge. I can never really enjoy the good times because I'm just nervous all the time that something bad is going to happen. I don't know how to deal with him when he's angry. Any ideas?
It seems like every time I relax when things are going ok he will suddenly have an angry outburst over something really stupid. Of course that gets me angry and then we end up having a yelling fight and being angry at each other for a couple of days. He will then calm down and act as if everything is normal. He never says he is sorry and I am supposed to just go on as if nothing happened. I still have the hurt feelings inside. He has memory loss so maybe he doesn't even remember what he said but unfortunately I do. We have been in counselling together and I told him the thing that was really important to me was that he not swear at me when we are having an argument. He can never hold back from doing that, however. He even swears at his 14 yr. old daughter when he is mad at her. I find this very degrading and low class behavior. My question to people who have BPD is--is there anything I can do to make him calm down when he is starting on one of his rants? Obviously yelling back isn't good but I don't feel like just sitting there and having him berate me for nothing. I feel like leaving the house temporarily but I don't feel I should leave him with the kids. Sometimes he leaves which is good. He is in counselling because I told him he has anger issues and he is working on that supposedly.
Lately his daughter has been doing things like skipping school and not doing her homework, being on the phone late at night when she is supposed to be sleeping, etc. I think he is going to get her into counselling. He has dealt w/ it ok, by taking away some privileges, but I don't think he should be yelling and swearing at her either. It certainly doesn't help their relationship. Now I know we had a big cellphone bill last month and I have been told by the company that his daughter caused the bill to be large because of downloading ring tones, text messaging, etc. We haven't received the bill and every day I dread getting it because i hate it when he gets bad news. I thought we would have received the bill by now, so I'm suspicious that his daughter got it and threw it out but I'm not going to say anything. I just always feel on edge. I can never really enjoy the good times because I'm just nervous all the time that something bad is going to happen. I don't know how to deal with him when he's angry. Any ideas?

Hello, my name is val and i also have those kinds of outbursts. luckily my DH deals with them because he realizes that it is part of my BP. what i do is take a clonazapam (tranquilizer) and after a few, i calm right down. is your DH on any kind of sedative? maybe his pdoc can prescribe something for him. therapy is a good thing. my husband talks with my pdoc sometimes to get a better understanding of BP. maybe you can do the same or get some therapy yourself. im sure there are support groups for spouses and children of BP parent. check ivilliage boards to find out if there is one in your area or here online. you can also ask DH therapist if there is a group in your area. i hope i was helpful and good luck, you know you can come here anytime to vent. thats what this board is for.
god bless
valerie
Verbal abuse is never okay!
Love,