I just don't learn! - Trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
I just don't learn! - Trigs
6
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:32pm

i don't even know where to start this one. anyone who read my update post in the beginning of the week knows that i had a mamo on tuesday because i found something (or think i did) in a self exam. i go to gyn tomorrow to find out the results. on top of this, i get a phone call yesterday telling me that my mother's stay at rehab, which according to docs was supposed to be at minimum another 2 weeks, has been sped up and she comes home tomorrow. now, that, in and of itself was expected eventually. just not so soon.what i didn't expect was my sister from her throne on high, informed me that because i live with my mother and don't have a 'real' 9-5 job that it is only 'natural' that the majority of responsibility/care fall on me. that she has a real job, and a family to take care of.


well, i told her that i was not physically and emotionally capable of this task that she seems to think i am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:27am

Traci,


First of all...our prayers are with you today as you go to find out about the mamo...secondly, you haven't worn out your welcome here...that NEVER happens...I've been here for years now...you CAN do these things you are having to do...i know you can...its not going to be EASY, but you can do it...we're here with you, supporting you from our corners of the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 5:11pm

well, i had my appt w/ gyn this morning. he didn't detect any masses, which is good. but, i have to go back for another mamo because the first ones were ruled 'incomplete.' and of course as fate would have it they can't see me until the 18th. so this still hangs over my head. i'm trying to see it in a positive light because gyn didn't find anything, but with everything else that's been going on my mind automatically goes to the bad place.


mom also came home today, so that's also got me on edge. i plan to be gone most of the night but unfortunately i can't be gone all weekend. i'm having a really tough time with that whole situation.


that's about it for now. i just wanted to update you on my appt basically. thanks.


hugs


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:06pm

Traci,


First off, I'd like to say that if I had to live with my mom - one of us wouldn't be alive very long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:12pm

Traci,


One other thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:43pm

thanks morgaine. it's funny you should mention al-anon and codependency. i have been involved with al-anon for a little over 5 years now. and until very recently, i couldn't seem to get past step 2. codependency, also until very recently, was my middle name. i just got home from my al-anon meeting a short bit ago and today i was able to actually "hear" and see where i've actually applied step 3 in recent weeks. what's funny is that when i got home from the meeting, my growth became even more evident. my mother was making 'small talk' with me and i would give her an applicable response, no matter how short or curt it was. she asked me if i was mad at her because i seem "different" from when she first went in to the hospital. well, it's not so much anger as it is growth on my part. i've finally realized i can't do this all on my own and how to use my sponsor. in the past, i would not call her because "she had her own stuff" and i didn't want to "burden" her with my garbage. well, that changed last night. i was having a particularly hard time and happened to be in the same town my sponsor lives in so i called her and asked her if we could meet up and talk. she was right there and we had a good conversation. at the end of it i walked away feeling a little better about myself.


it has been pointed out by my tdoc that having the codependency is compounded by my bp and that it's okay that it's taken this long for things to start seeping in. because i was even beating myself up over that.


while my mom being home isn't the greatest thing in the world, i'm taking baby steps toward learning how to deal with the situation. a point was made at the meeting that struck me right between the eyes. it was put into an algebra equation: a+b=c - a being yourself; b being other people and c the end result in the relationship. the point was that the only thing we have control over is a. and even though that doesn't sound like much, changing yourself ultimately changes c.


so, to sum up the point of this long-winded reply is that i am finally learning how to move beyond step 2.


hugs,


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 2:42pm

That's great Traci.