An PA to and EA or Other Way Around...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2010
An PA to and EA or Other Way Around...
19
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:12am

Im just curious how your A went. I guess I figured that all A's started as PA's and over time, emotions and such would develop with the person so then in addition to being physical, it would also turn to an EA.



At least that is how mine (and previous A) were. It was all about the lacking physical part at home, connections were made in person, then after seeing AP more often, realized how great he was in general, how great I felt (not just physical) and then became/become attached to the person...not just the sex.



However, I have read from others on here who are in an EA and I believe I read something about no sex yet. How does the EA happen first or how did it happen for you? I've concluded that woman don't know how to have emotionless sex. Well, at least not this woman. A guy friend told me men just need a place to have sex, woman need a reason & a feeling.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:55am
My A definitely started out as EA first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:00am

Mine is mostly an EA, with some dabbling on the physical side. Nothing major on the physical side though. The talk/discussions about it are there - meaning logistics because of our situations, protection because we are both fairly young and quite fertile, how things will be handled afterwards, etc. We started out working on a project together. We became fast friends - we had to we we working together a lot. At first it was all innocent, then we started flirting, then the dirty texting started and here we are. We met last spring and about a month after meeting it was an EA.

I think I am in a sense like a man. I can shut down my emotions, I can turn off my feelings. When I shut myself into my box I don't allow myself to feel or be hurt. It is a coping mechanism for me for everything in life though, not just in this situation. While I will say I do "like" AP, I am certainly NOT in love with him.

When I sit and think what has attracted me to him I continue to go back to the same thing. His personality. He is much like me. We have the same sordid sense of humor, we are both sarcastic and witty. We never pass up a chance to tease or torment each other. Not to mention he's cute, to boot. He isn't drop dead gorgeous, but he is cute in his own quirky way. AND he has a 6 pack - who can pass that up?

We both know we are well past the line of right/wrong. While I define it as an EA, I'm not sure if he does as well. He does define it as we really effed up, but I'm enjoying it, so let's continue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:01am

Mine started as an EA and was that way for some time, then PA and now due to being apart, it is more less an EA during those time we are apart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:17am

My affair definately started out as an EA. My AP and I have been friends for years. The more time we spent together the more obvious it was there was something more to it. We were texting and chatting a bit online for almost a year before we got physical. It started off slow and after a few months we talking more and more until eventually we got out of control.

There's no way I would continue the affair if it was just a PA. To me the emotional end of things have to be there first. I'm pretty lucky for the fact that my AP is an emotional person and shares his feelings. He tends to act like a woman when it comes to things like that. Makes it easier for me to figure him out..lol.

In two more weeks we will be going from a EA turned PA, back into an EA. I'm not sure how long it will stay like that but we've both agreed it's the right thing to do. Well, I went along with it. I don't think he understands the whole concept of an EA but I know neither of us are ready to let go and just go back to being friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:53am
Hmmm... my A actually started as a PA. We met on a social message board, got to know each other a bit in e-mail - but even then we sent some pretty suggestive e-mails. Once I met him for real, the sex started very soon. I'd say the first couple of years even were all about sex. We would share other stuff but not as often as we do now. Now (well, after 11 years!) it seems a lot more about sharing our struggles with life and various other aspects totally non-sexual, although the sexual is still certainly a part of it.

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:54am
By the way - good thread! Thanks for starting it Cali!

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 12:27pm
Good thread! I didn't realize how many of us are in EAs and that is comforting. Somehow I didn't think an EA was really an A because there is nothing physical about it. As many of the others have said, mine is an EA and started out as friends. We met 1.5yrs ago at work and over time became friends. Over time I realized I was feeling something more for him. We discussed it, he acknowledged it as well. We are both M. I'm ready for it to move forward, he is not. So we are in this EA that leaves me wanting and hoping for more. Oftentimes there are mixed signals coming from his end, he is very conflicted about what he WANTS to do and what he SHOULD do. We are both M. I'll just let it run its course and we'll see what happens. Everything you said about your AP is what attracted me to my AP. I genuinely like him as a person and the attraction developed from there. I don't think I could have a PA without the EA first-I need that emotional connection.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 1:00pm
Your AP could just be trying to figure things out for himself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 1:47pm

You AP sounds like mine did about a 7 weeks ago. He would say what I want is completely different from what I'm doing. Meaning he wanted to go there physically, but he wasn't. I'm sure the desire is there for your AP, it was for mine. He'd tell me that all the time. But he also told me he didn't know if he could live with himself after we did something. Having to face himself in the mirror was a hard one for him and it was for me as well, but at that point I was like we are either going to do something or we're not and I'm out.

I'd finally had enough and was really bored with where things were going. You're A sounds a lot like the course mine has followed, although, I think mine has been a quicker course. We've only been doing this for about 4 months. I told him I was pretty much done, it was boring, it was more work than I wanted it to be and I really wasn't having any fun with it anymore. I guess we had agreed to let things see where they went when we started our project in the fall. We continued to talk occasionally for about 2 weeks, nothing like we were once doing. Then I came home from my out of town work trip and a week later it was back on - heavily. The dirty texts were back, he wanted to see me, I've been home over a month now and I have seen him each week at least twice, if not more.

Again, we have dabbled in the physical side, but I'm not sure how far physically it will go. While we both want it very much, we are both hesitant. My issue with him flat out telling me no was it was forbidden, something I couldn't have. And when you can't have something you want it that much more. I was too open to allowing him to have me. When I changed my tune and told him whatever, maybe he was right, the chase was off for me, that is when things pretty much changed again. Now we are in a pretty steady routine, know what to expect, know our boundaries (for now) and things are going pretty ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:16pm
My AP and I are neighbors and it started as PA and still is ,though love has come up in the last month.Its still more PA than EA as of now.We do enjoy talking about stuff and all but every time it ends in love making that is sooo passionate and makes me feel like a 16 year old ,lol !!

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