Why Me? Looking for Male Comments Too!
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Why Me? Looking for Male Comments Too!
| Sat, 09-11-2010 - 10:58am |
I know why I am in this EA-it fulfills many things that I am missing from my marriage. Not that my H wouldn't be happy to give me those things, but I don't want them from him anymore, I haven't for years. I just pulled away from him little by little over the years and don't want to go back. I can't explain why or how it happened and we did discuss it, but we never tried very hard to fix it. WE didn't make our R a priority once the kids came along. We just accepted it as the way it was. I thought I would be okay with things with H until I met EAP. Through our friendship I realized I wanted all of those things I thought had been buried so deep, the desire for intimacy, etc was still there and now it was awoken again by EAP. I understand why am I doing this.
What I don't understand is why EAP is doing this with me? Maybe some male perspectives would be helpful here as well. From what he tells me his M is good. He has been M for 25 yrs to my 11 yrs. If his M is good, why is he engaging me? Do I fulfill something for him? Is it new and exciting? I know he feels the same way I do, because we have talked about it, but I haven't asked him "why" he is doing this. I told him that I had never considered having an A before him and he told me that it was because my H isn't treating me very well right now. He is basing that judgement on what I have shared with him about my R with H. He knows H and I have not been intimate for 4 yrs and that H doesn't want to go to MC and that he isn't interested in changing things, H is fine with the status quo. I am sure we will talk about this some day,but any insights are appreciated. I know I need this A more than EAP does, but he seems to need it too and I'm trying to understand why without doing the obvious and asking him directly which would be the most direct thing to do, but I don't feel we are at a place just yet where I can ask.
What I don't understand is why EAP is doing this with me? Maybe some male perspectives would be helpful here as well. From what he tells me his M is good. He has been M for 25 yrs to my 11 yrs. If his M is good, why is he engaging me? Do I fulfill something for him? Is it new and exciting? I know he feels the same way I do, because we have talked about it, but I haven't asked him "why" he is doing this. I told him that I had never considered having an A before him and he told me that it was because my H isn't treating me very well right now. He is basing that judgement on what I have shared with him about my R with H. He knows H and I have not been intimate for 4 yrs and that H doesn't want to go to MC and that he isn't interested in changing things, H is fine with the status quo. I am sure we will talk about this some day,but any insights are appreciated. I know I need this A more than EAP does, but he seems to need it too and I'm trying to understand why without doing the obvious and asking him directly which would be the most direct thing to do, but I don't feel we are at a place just yet where I can ask.

One reason he does it is because you allow this to happen.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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