At a loss here - Male help appreciated!
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| Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:05am |
Hi All,
I have been married 16 years, but that seems to be ending....my husband moved out for a while, he is back but only until I get a better job and make more money so I can find a place to live as he will not leave our house. We both want an amicable seperation and so far so good...it's in the process, but slowly moving that way. It has been a detiorating marriage for about the last 2-3 years. We have two kids and have been trying to work it out for them , but there is a lot of anger and resentment there so it looks like we may have to part.
Anyway, about 6 weeks ago I met a single guy. I like this guy...A LOT. We hit it off that first night, talked a lot and made out a little. Had lunch the next week....then he went away on a two week vacation. He had a party at his house shortly after he got back from vacation and invited me....and we had sex that night. We shouldn't have, it was too soon, we were both very intoxicated and it ended up not even being that good....he pulled back big-time after this.
The problem is he pulls back after any sort of action on my part, whether it be a flirty text or e-mail or asking him to meet up....so I think he must not be that into me....fine, then I'll leave you alone....BUT his friends tell me he likes me....I ignored a phone call from him last Friday because of the way he's been, and he texted me that night asking if I have given up on him.
Here are my two takes on it...
1 - Maybe he wants me to give up...maybe he doesn't want to be the bad guy (we do have mutual friends) so he figures if he is super-distant I'll go away OR
2 - His friends tell me he was hurt very badly by his ex....and that he is VERY guarded, but really likes me.
Also, techinically I am still living with my H, and going through this pending seperation ... so maybe thats why he is giving me the space....he is so sporartic and it will go a week or two not hearing from him. But it confused me when he asked me if I gave up...I simply told him in a response via text - "No, I have not given up"
I don't want to seem like I am pursuing or chasing him, so part of me just thinks he's just not into me. YET - if he's scared of getting hurt again...I want to show him I really like him and not be scared.
What do the men think of this? What do any of you think....I like him but don't want to scare him away....but part of me wants to just come right out and ask him what's going on.
Thanks in advance....LOVE this board!!
Edited 9/13/2010 10:22 am ET by livefortoday2009

I'm sorry - I was in a hurry at work when I posted that - I knew it seemed confusing. I guess he'll go a week and then I'll get a text or call....but then whenever I try to engage or push for a get together, he runs away. But then he always comes back....it's like he's so scared. But I guess it's been more than 6 weeks, maybe 8.
I just wonder when to give up or what. Sorry it's confusing I know - but that's the thing. I'm confused. I want to see
Trust me, with your second post, you're perfectly clear. :-)
I think you actually have a good handle on all the possible reasons this guy could be pulling away. I think the biggest one is the fact that you're still living with your H and only have a "pending" separation but nothing absolute. Lots of people "think about" separating, but then never do. What if that happens with you - even you don't sound sure that it's going to happen. It is completely logical and understandable that he would be hesitant in this situation, if what he wants is a real relationship and a girlfriend. In a way, it's a compliment if he's pulling away because he wants something MORE THAN an affair with you. If all he wanted was a sex buddy, you would be ideal in your situation but he's not pursuing that, so maybe he really does like you and maybe he wants to wait till you're actually away from your H before he does anything.
The best way to find out what he's thinking, however, is to ask him. :-)
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
I think what you are describing makes sense.. in a convoluted way.. I agree with Lexi is that the best approach is the direct one.. tell him what you are expecting and ask him the same.. when you both beat around the bush, you just get a lot of flying dust and debris..
He's single, so he'd want you all to himself, yet that's not possible any time soon. He can just give you up and let you be, yet he likes you too much to do that.. he feels there's a connection between the two of you, yet, the timing sucks.. so, he feels he can't move forward if he wants to stay sane and true, yet if he just gives you up, he'll regret that as well.. what to do, what to do? rock and a hard place is where he probably is. and his actions show this as well.
that's where clearing the air will come in handy.. tell each other where you are at, and what your expectations are.. my advice is to keep if friendly and uncomplicated until you are personally free and clear..
Hope this helps..
Do keep us posted..
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