update and philosophical question
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update and philosophical question
| Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:37pm |
So..Friday was really tough. I sent one last email. A very nice email. I told him that I completely understood him breaking off the A and that he had to do what was best for him and his child. Well, as I hit send an email came in

Definitely great news about AP!
As far as your philosophical question, I think it can go either way, but can only speak from my own personal experience.
anotherseyes
Hi eliza,
A though provoking question, for sure.
I have thought about this myself, and I've wondered if I'm not confusing the incredible sexual chemistry AP and I have, for love. Yet, even when he's being bad-tempered, and making me absolutely crazy in the process (squirrels out the ying yang) I think about how I would feel to let him go, and my heart near breaks at the thought.
I do believe I really love him, and I would happily spend the rest of my life with him. I dream constantly about taking care of him the way I used to for my ex-h....I am a nurturer at heart you see, and that's the way I show my love.
I can definitely say without a doubt, that my feelings for him today, are as strong as they were when we started down this path three years ago...and as a matter of fact, they are only gettting stronger!
I'm so glad he told you he loves you, it's a wonderful thing to hear...isn't it? Hang on to that feelgood, and do your best to remember it if the squirrels start rampaging again...as they probably will :-(
benska
There was a great debate about whether we really "love" in an affair over on "all sides of an affair". What it came down to was what your definition of love is. I do believe that we can love someone in an A - how silly to think we can't - when love is an emotion, a feeling, wanting to take care of our loved one, etc. But when described as an "action" - to "love" - and wanting your loved one to be a "better person" from and because of their interaction with you - that's where we can fall down. Generally we are not promoting them being a "better person" when we're engaging them in something that causes them to lie or deceive their other loved ones, and they are not doing that for us either. That's a sort of "Godly" version of love, if you think about it, that few of us can hold up to. I'm sure there are marriages that don't have that standard of love. But reading about it and understanding it did make me yearn for it somehow, like it was an opportunity missed in my life. We all love our children that way - would never lead them into something ultimately bad or illegal or bad for their spirits. But can we really say we love our APs that way?
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
anotherseyes, I could not have said it better...you hit the nail on the head for me with this statement "Do I think I'm addicted?
Mine is not there yet but if it went that way, I would discount the way I feel or let anyone else tell whether it is love or not. Only each of us can know what we feel vs. maybe what we have felt in past relationships. I love everything about my AP, although it is new, but I am not IN LOVE with him. Im glad you got a positive response back. I know that pain of ending an A....SUCKS BIG TIME! Keep us posted.
Its love..we have no doubt ....as the married one he is always offering me the way out, agonizing over my deserving more. At times he admitted he dreads but expects the day i meet an available good guy and leave.
It isn't going to happen. He is my best friend and we love one another....even when we try to 'do the right thing' and go our own way it is impossible.