the difference between EA/ PA

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
the difference between EA/ PA
7
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 4:53am

Hi there everyone,

I have been wondering about this for a while... what's the difference between an Emotional Affair and a Physical Affair?
Are there very clear boundaries? When does an EA become a PA? (not after a hug right? LOL)

For the ones in an EA: don't you guys touch each other at all? No hugging? No kissing? Just a very strong emotional bond that is called an EA because it is 'forbidden'? A very strong friendship?
Is it an EA because you tell each other "I love you"? Is it an EA because you talk about sexual stuff, but do not actually do 'it'?

It's obviously a PA once you have sex with each other (to me : sex is sex when the body is involved, whether it's intercourse or oral) , but I am just wondering if the persons in an EA don't touch at all?

Hugs,
itstime2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 7:20am

I think everyone has their own definition of EA, itstime. I think when EA partners are workmates or close geographically, they sometimes do have some physical interaction but not what they consider "sex". Then others might have NONE.

"Is it an EA because you tell each other "I love you"? Is it an EA because you talk about sexual stuff, but do not actually do 'it'?"

I think a normal friendship becomes an EA when you start to talk about things that you wouldn't want your spouse knowing you talked about. When you start to confide deep dark secrets and things about your marriage or spouse to each other. When you meet for lunch and you would never tell your spouse. When you start being afraid that your spouse might get into your e-mail or your phone and see messages. When you start to DEPEND on those messages to give you a high. Even if you have girlfriends that you share deep dark stuff with, you can tell your spouse that you're meeting for lunch and a message from her doesn't get you all elated.

Sometimes "I love you"s and sexual conversation become part of the EA, but it doesn't have to be there for it to be an EA.

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:43am

Very well put cl-lexione, I agree that we each have our own definitions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:56am

I agree with the previous posters that the definition of an EA is different for everyone. In my case, it was a friendship turned EA. We are attracted to each other, we enjoy each others' company, we talk about things with each other that our SO wouldn't appreciate, we have private lunches, we hug, we touch casually. I don't consider it a PA at this point, but it is getting there. For me, it will be a PA if we begin to be more physically intimate, until then it is an EA.

Hope that helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 9:25am
daisy you said "We have moved to a PA and yet I still consider when we are apart a EA if that makes sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 3:42pm

Mine is PA and I guess its EA as well.In EA,as far as I am aware,they have a strong desire to be sexual but dont do 'it'and their emotional attachment is something that grows and grows over time ,mostly starting innocently.
When an A is just EA,it can lead to an explosive PA because of the emotions and feelings involved and the pent up desire.EA rules the head and heart.They find solace in each others company and no one else can fit into that piece of puzzle while sex can be good or mind blowing with many people w/o the EA.

My 2c

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:02am

Hi you all
thanks for your answers.
I guess I am both in an EA and a PA although AP probably would be just fine with a PA. *sigh* I am so done with all the thinking!!!!

xoxoxoxox
itstime

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 6:57pm

for me, the EA was defined by someone else. I was told that it was an EA because he was a best friend. I could talk to him about anything, just like I would with a girl friend. I didn't do anything I wouldn't let my h know about, I didn't do anything in secret.... Until it became a problem for my h. H didn't want to be my friend, didn't want to talk with me or do things with me, and he didn't want me to do anything with anyone else, male or female. He never knew if I was talking to a male or female on the phone, he just assumed it was ap. There were no I love you's or talk of sex or other intimate conversation. It didn't become a pa until after my xh moved out.

I think a pa is any physical relationship that you would hide from your spouse, or that you wouldn't do with a same sex friend.