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| Tue, 09-14-2010 - 5:12pm |
Hello, I'm new to posting anything but I have been lurking here for a while. I hope everything makes sense because it is pretty jumbled up. So some history for me, everything with my AP started out with friendship, then we moved forward a bit to friends with benefits. It was great, there was no pressure just booty calls and it was lots of fun. I am married and I have no intentions of leaving my marriage. I do not have children only a super cute cat. :)
Ok, so this is where my mind is all jumbled up. We recently have had some long discussions of our futures and we both want and stuff. After all of these discussions we have both come to the conclusion, me a bit sooner than him, that we both care about each other more than just friends. He says he's hesitant to call it love and I do agree with him on that point I just don't know what other word to use that better describes the feelings I have. Anyway he told me today that he wants us to agree to not say I love you to each other in an effort to keep everything uncomplicated. I understand where he's coming from I suppose but I just don't agree. Everything is already complicated and I don't want to close the I love you door when I will probably actually feel that way sooner rather than later. I don't know how to tell him any of this without seeming needy or overbearing in any way. I would love to have him fall for me the way I seem to be falling for him but I really don't see that happening. I have tried not to care for him as much as I do but I can't seem to help it. I appreciate any and all opinions. It just feels better to get everything out there. :) Thanks
Edited 9/15/2010 12:33 pm ET by beanie3849

Welcome to MAS beanie!
A lot of guys have trouble with the emotional aspect of affairs, and actually saying out loud how you feel. The thing is, I guess, if you both are staying put and not leaving your marriages, then why bring "I love you" into it at all, whether you feel that way or not? Some guys think that if they say the words, the whole dynamic changes and then they are expected to "do something". You know, like - "OK you said you loved me and I love you now what do we do about this?"
I figure, if he says he cares, and he shows it in his actions, why does he OR you have to say "I love you"? Leave it however he likes to hear it - "I care about you". Whatever. It's just words. :-)
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Hi Beanie..
Welcome.. mm here in an A for the last two yrs or so..
How long have you been married? How long has your A been going on? Is he M?This may help provide some perspective..
In a way, saying "I love you"s is the easy part.. the implications behind it are not.. that if indeed things are as intense/involved as "I love you"s, then, what will the future bring, should you both plan to leave your Ms and be with each other for the rest of your life? If not, should you spend the foreseeble future as forlorn lovers, never being able to be truly together?
Right now, you have your Ms (assuming he's M too), and you have each other side as FWBs.