I did not see that coming!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
I did not see that coming!
8
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 5:15pm
Quick and to the point I keep telling myself. I have 2 MM in my life right now. Both have been more of FWB types of things. Well I have been out of my mind with happiness and confusion for over a week now and need to say WOW I am still in shock.
MM#1 and I have known each other through work for a few years, been in our current FWB for less then a year. I only have MM#2 because #1 went MIA for a while. I did not know during that time he had asked his wife for a D and well lets just say it did not go nicely. So back to my shock.
He called me last week and I asked him where he was he said the parking lot at my lawyers. I just got out and I can not leave yet but soon, sooner then I think you where planning on. Lets just say I am trying my best to remember I am the other woman and he is still married until he files. But the time line is months not years which I thought it would take. I told him I was glad he had spoken to a lawyer it was the right step to take. He said he wanted to talk face to face this weekend when we meet for lunch.
So I am here thinking ok he is taking steps to leave his wife, has told me he wanted to be in a out in the open couple a few times but never said any more then that to me.
Ok now I am planning on ending it with MM#2 we will still be friends but I can not longer keep the benefits with it. I have not made the call yet for him to come over so we can talk about things. But then again he has not called me.
Here is my thing I know MM#1 normally does what he says he is going to do, I do have feelings for him but have always done my best to not let my mind go to that happy place.
I have a lot of questions not only for myself but also him.
But before I meet him I wanted to get some of you guys thoughts.
Am I right in still trying not to jump in the thought of the could be until things are started legally or at least he moves out?
MM#2 has always known that it would come to an end I do not think he thought this fast but I can't do it anymore. While he is sweet I do not feel anything but friendship when I am with him.
Any words of wisdom please.............
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:03pm

Yes, you're right to hold back a little on the excitement until your AP#1 does at least file, but of course you can be happy about it. It's not over till it's over (divorce that is LOL) but at least he's actually making moves in that direction. You have every right to be happy about it.

Why did he go MIA though? Shouldn't he have at least let you know what was going on and why you wouldn't hear from him for awhile?

Keep us updated on how everything goes!

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 10:02pm

Hi longroad,



Well, I'd say you are halfway there, but the other half just may take even longer..



You're lucky that your 2nd R is very lowkey, don't worry too much about that, but I wouldn't burn that bridge completely unless it is necessary.. he's good fun, he knows it, he doesn't expect anything in return.. why spoil something like that?



With MM #1, he's still a FWB.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 10:02pm

ITA with lexi: be cautiously happy.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 11:24am

I am so glad I found this board it is not like I can sit down with my sister and say btw what do you think about this!! Thank you ladies very much.

His MIA was due to how badly his wife went over the edge when he asked for a D, she was watching him & anything that could be tracked.
We where not working out of the same field office so we could not see each other, our company records all phone calls and tracks all emails. so that was out. His cell phone bill shows the numbers called which both my office and home number have been on it she was told I work from the road and home sometimes. My home number gave which office I worked out of away :(
Needless to say we started again very slowly with limited contact so she would not notice a call here and there. He bought a new lap top and changes his password every time he emails me.

I understand who emotions change at all times through out a D even after, Which he brought up to me when we first started talking. Because my D has been getting dragged out by my stbx and is very nasty from his part. He has btdt and knew what I could be facing and he will be facing.
I think I have done a fair job of keeping emotions in check, I do not call him crying when STBX games get to me. I think mainly because I do not want to lean on him emotionally and come to rely on him to make me feel better. I need to do it myself , I did fail on not having feelings or care for him. Thankfully I have been honest with myself in that I he is taking steps in the right direction there is many miles let to walk before I can not stop thinking this way and before we are a couple to the outside world and our co-workers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 12:30pm
Are you married? Just curious
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 5:23pm
I am legally separated until my D is finalized. My STBX has been delaying every step of the way.
Both of my FWB are married, MM#1 is planning on leaving his wife for more reasons then our A. MM#2 Has no plan to leave his wife. Both have always been upfront and honest with me about there home life and know that I do not want to be the reason why they left there DW.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 8:27am
I agree with the cautiously happy comment. A lot can happen between now and when the ink dries. I do have a question for you though...I asked the same to another poster, do your MMs know about each other? I guess my questions come
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 2:58pm

No they do not know about each other, I do not think #1 would take it that well ( He believes that you should only have sex with one person at a time even if FWB, he and his wife sleep on other ends of there home. They have for almost a year now.) #2 has already said he knows I will someday find a someone I want to be with, he just hopes that I will not want to end things with him when I do.

It is not always easy but where I am single it helps, but what helps is that 1 of them I see during the day most times on my days off and the other is mainly at night. I have had a few times where plans over lap or I get a text from one when laying in bed with the other I just hit dismiss and say it was just one from my bank with my balance. The only thing that I do worry about is if #2 ever stops by my office which I have told him if he does he has to act like just a friend where he is married and I do not want people in the office to know I am playing with married men!