Who the hell am I anymore!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2010
Who the hell am I anymore!?
4
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 4:02pm

I will start by saying I had a nice night with AP. He was sweet and we did our normal routine, same place, same time, same activity. I left with a smile on my face. What’s the problem you ask? Well, a lot. I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself while driving home. Some things I have not been wanting to admit to myself, I realized were true. This morning, I am down and depressed. For the 1st time in 31 yrs, I was put on a pill to help with my anger/anxiety/depression. It’s been 2 weeks so far. I can’t tell a difference and I’m sure the emotions of this A, is not helping.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 7:48pm

Sorry that you're feeling pain sweetie, but the fact that you're thinking about all this just shows you're a thinking caring person and self aware to boot. We all have demons to wrestle about our A's trust me - even me who usually is pretty calm about it all will have my moments of introspection and wondering who the heck I am and how did I get here. In the end however, for me, having the relationship with my OM has added tremendously to my life and that's what I focus on. "It is what is it", no more but no less either, and if my life is better with him in it, I will keep whatever this relationship is between us.

We all have to decide if an A is "enough" all by itself. If it causes more pain than pleasure then we have to decide what to do. Hope you get some clarity on your A soon!

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 9:04pm

Hi Cali,



You are not alone feeling this way in a PA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 1:16pm
I think
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 4:00pm

Hi caliorbust,



Trust me when I say I have these moments way to often and it drives me insane. Sometimes to the point where I don't want to think anymore. If I went back a year and a half to 2 years I would have never thought I'd be in this situation. I'm not ready to let AP go either but I know in my heart of hearts that its going no where. I'm not going to leave my H and he's single so its only a matter of time when he'll find someone he can call his own. I think that's the part I dread the most. It would hurt me so much but I want him to be happy so I have to suck it up and keep it movin'.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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