Giving Space

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Giving Space
4
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 11:24am
EAP's Mom passed away last weekend. They did not have a good relationship which in some ways I think makes it harder to grieve the loss. We spent some time together on Monday. We talked about how he was dealing with things and we had a nice warm hug he initiated. He is taking some time off over the next few days and was supposed to call me and let me know what his final plans were. He didn't. He was in the last two days, but didn't contact me. He will be back next week sometime, but to another job site for a new project. I feel like I just need to give him space right now to deal with all of this-Mom's death, new project at work. It is hard because I want to be there for him, but also don't want to add any pressure. Not really looking for any advice here. Just hoping it doesn't go too long before I hear from him. I guess if my fingers get itchy, I will just post here instead of sending him an email...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 4:40pm
FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing to just give him some time. Great idea about posting here instead of e-mailing him! LOL! (((HUGS))) for you, and I hope he comes to terms with his mom's death. It IS hard when the relationship wasn't what it should have been.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 8:07am
That is tough, but I do think youre doing the right thing too. Sometimes the hardest part of these relationships is not being able to be there for them and with them, when bad things happen, like death, sickness, etc. Sitting back and giving him time and space is
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:58pm
Every person is different.Some want a shoulder to cry on while others want space.If we give what the person desires ,then it was the best decision while if we deny it,well, then there wont be so many unhappy situations.
What type of a guy is your AP? In situations like these,its more about them than us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 4:09pm
I'm not sure what EAP needs right now and at the moment it is out of my hands. This is a first for us. He has been off from work most of this week and will be part of next week as well. I am not able to contact him when he is at home for obvious reasons, so it is a sort of forced NC. I did see him early in the week and offered my support which I know he appreciated. Upon his return he will start a new job and I know when he gets very busy, we communicate less. I thought it would be best to let him contact me when he had a free moment and his new job settled down. Of course, if I don't hear from him in a reasonable amount of time, I will contact him to see how he is. I hope I hear from him first...