Squirrles, Acorns & All of the Above....
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| Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:04am |
Damn, I wish I wasn't so analytical. My brain is on overdrive right now. In follow-up to my post earlier this week and beating myself up for this A feeling/being a booty call only (or that's how I feel) - I decided to see AP last night as our reg Thurs. visit. Alot happened and then again....alot DIDNT happen.
We met, talked, went to his truck, started kissing - all was well. Normally, he would be raring to go. That was NOT the case. After trying...to create something...he couldn't. He was upset with himself and kept saying "I don't know whats wrong tonight" Remind you - in 2.5 mths of encounters, 2x week - this has never happened! So he said "just lay with me" and rest. I did. It was great. We shut our eyes and cuddled. He asked me about things I liked (food, music, etc..) He said "I wish you could go on the road with me and we could be together for days, sleep together." I said "I could fall asleep in your arms right this second but would have a lot of explaining to do" LOL
Then...out of nowhere....I started talking about weird stuff. I don't know what came over me. I started asking him if there was a connection from his truck trailer to the inside of is truck and could his buddy (he has a co-driver that always steps out) be spying on us, etc) I have no idea where my paranoia came from but it did. He was cracking up at me. My squirrles at this point were going crazy on why he couldn't perform. Was it me, was he thinking about his W, what was going on in his head, etc.. Anyways, he was laughing hysterically, I was laughing, I apologized for being paranoid, we laid for another 15 min then got up and got dressed. I felt horrible I couldn't "please" him and he did me. I apologized and he said "no way, you have nothing to apologize for" - so I went home. I decided on my way home, I was not going to contact him today. I need to clear my head and let him clear his. I did find out his father-in-law is very sick - maybe he had a lot on his mind. Tuesday when we were together - it was HOT!
I sent one final text last night "sorry again for being weirded out. you are very, very sweet and I feel bad that maybe I did something wrong you are not telling me." He then sent the following back (which by the way I have read about 20 times..lol "it is alright babe. you made me laugh so hard. funny sh*t.

It happens. If you've read his text 20 times, then read it about 100 more times
It happens, especially during times of stress.
anotherseyes
sounds like a nice night to me despite the stupid squirrels!!!
Yeah don't worry about the physical thing. If it becomes too "important" or too big a deal in his mind, that makes it more likely to happen again. Sounds like you got more of what you really needed.
That is weird about your paranoia. It would weird me out if I felt like that too, because I always try to trust my instincts. I might be a little wary and keep my eyes open if I felt like that.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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