How Do you Really Know? Afog or Not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
How Do you Really Know? Afog or Not?
4
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:34pm
Since getting involved in this EA, I find myself wanting out of my M more and more. Not because I think I will end up with EAP, but so I can have the chance to find a relationship with someone that is more fulfilling than what I have with H. What I don't know is if I will be happier without H in my life. I know I am not happy with my M now and that is why I am in this EAP. I guess that is why people separate before D to see if it is truly what they want. Anyone here with experience with that? I know I felt this way before my EA, but it seems to be pushing me further in that direction because I have realized through my EA what I am missing in my current R.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:51pm
From what I have read on these boards,if you really want to know about the future of your M,stop the A.Get over AP ,give yourself enough time to heal from the ending,then give a nice look at your M.You might be surprised ! But you wont know as long as AP is around or the A is still on.It might take you anything from 6 months to a year if your EA was strong.
My advice is to NOT make any decision regarding your M in the midst of A.Your decision might very well be fogged.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 4:11pm
Point taken. I don't want to do that now, give up EAP. So, until I am ready too give up EAP, I won't make any decisions about my M-just keep plodding along! However, I do know I wanted out before EAP came along so my guess is it will happen when the time is right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 8:14pm
I don't know the answer, but I do know exactly how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 9:44pm

So nice to "see" you Jane! :)

As usual you hit the nail on the head-yes my marriage has serious issues in that department. I guess for me once I didn't feel emotionally connected to H, I didn't want anything physical with him either and he just accepted it for what it was. It seems pretty selfless to me for him to do that, put what I want before his needs. No he is not or has had an A-to religious for that. That part was never really great to begin with and he is very close minded about trying new things. You're right though, because of EAP I don't even want to try with H anymore to fix it. Not sure how my luck will be if EAP and I ever get it going-I hope he is not a dud if you know what I mean...:)I can't handle the no sex anymore-now that the kids are off my boobs! :) Since I met EAP it's all I think about-with him, not H. I just know that if this goes anywhere and it is good, I will want more and that scares me too because the likelihood of that ever happening is very small. In a way it is a relief it is just an EA because I don't know if I could handle more, even though I want more. I'm rambling.

How are you doing?