Feeling the pain of going NC :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2010
Feeling the pain of going NC :(
12
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:25am

Hello

Just had a question about NC

My AP and I decided to go NC - mainly for obvious reasons - both of us have significant others and we decided to do the right thing by goiing NC. After awhile, we would reconnect when we were both single (we both want to get of our current relationships, it's just a matter of time).

I think we both thought that if we gave it enough time, then our feelings for one another will fade, and it would just fizzle out slowly.
I don't know about my AP, since we haven't talked in 4 months, but my feelings haven't faded one bit... If anything, I miss my AP terribly and I can't stop thinking about him.

We both knew it would be hard for us both, but we made the decision to do this anyway.

I guess my question(s) is this for those that have gone NC for a period of time - does it ever work in terms of helping you forget about them? Did going NC end your relationship or did it usually end up with one of you contacting the other one and things started up again? Did going NC help you situation or make it worse?
And lastly, how do I know if this is just anxiety I feel because we haven't talked in so long or is my missing him so much after all this time mean that I really care for him? If only I knew how he was feeling.... :-/






Edited 9/19/2010 9:27 am ET by daisy_girl2010

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 12:14pm

I dont understand.You say that you went NC so that " After awhile, we would reconnect when we were both single "

but

" I think we both thought that if we gave it enough time, then our feelings for one another will fade, and it would just fizzle out slowly."

Are you wanting to be together or letting it fade??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 1:51pm

That does sound really confusing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 2:36pm

I totally get why that sounds confusing - let me clarify:

Both of our partners became suspicious, so we weren't sure what to do... We both realized that we needed to go NC so we could do the right thing by handling our situations the right way - even though we don't want to be with our SO's we care for them and decided to stop the A for the time being.
He was the one that ultimately decided that we go NC for awhile and I went along with it, knowing that it was the right thing to do at the time, but not really wanting to...so when I talk about it fizzling out, I am afraid that HE hopes it would fizzle out... I guess that's the paranoia in me even though he told me he was serious about us reconnecting after we got things straightened out.
I guess when you don't talk to someone for months, the paranoia of what was really meant at the time begins to set in... And you begin the have doubts.

We can't just be together because there are a lot of factors involved, both of us have kids, and we both figured that it would just take time if we wanted to do this right.

Bottom line is that I am a mess with this NC thing. Right now so much time has passed that I just want to talk to him, I miss him, but I dare not contact him... We left it to where he would contact me first... The wait is horrible.
I wish I could just let it go... but not if there's still hope. I just need to get with it and get busy and not think about it, but it's so hard!






Edited 9/19/2010 2:38 pm ET by daisy_girl2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 2:54pm
I'm right there with you Daisy_girl..........our situations are similar.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 2:58pm
Oh,Oh,Oh ! Are you each others APs?? It has happened that APs found each other posting on these boards :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 3:08pm

Hi bthlman,

Good to know I am not alone and there's others in this type of situation.
Can I ask you - did you and your AP have a timeframe set?
I'd like to think that if we are missing them then they are missing us too (wishful thinking, I know, but I gotta hold on to something!) :)
Have you thought about breaking NC ? How do you not do it?
I'm tempted to contact him but I know I shouldn't.
I wish I knew what he's thinking....ugh, so hard.

Anyway, good luck to you...hope everything works out in time,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 6:16pm
Well, I doubt it. But if he is, he needs to contact me - lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:32pm
We didn't have a time frame set -- only that we both said we wanted to be with each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:13pm

Sorry, now I am confusing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 9:08am
" I am afraid that HE hopes it would fizzle out..." If thats the case then how in the world are you waiting on him? To take a break to be together is directly opposite to 'hope' that it fizzles out.If you are wanting to be together then how can you let it fade?
Your statements are self contradictory.Whose playing whom??

Pages