Holy cow, I am in heaven :0)
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Holy cow, I am in heaven :0)
| Mon, 09-20-2010 - 2:25am |
Hi all,
I am so happy right now, I have to get it out. AP and I have really been on a long and wonderful happy streak lately, starting before our anniversary weekend even. And although I have felt somewhat embarrassed about the wage I am makin in this "stop gap" job, he has been very supportive of me,

I am really happy for you sweetie, when you're happy.
My ONLY worry whenever I read your happy posts is that you always then hope, when things are going so well, that your ap will be leaving his wife to be with you. Especially now, after he has told you to your face that he loves you! But I really doubt that he ever will. I have a theory (and I could be wrong and maybe he will leave to be with you, and if he does I would only be happy for you!) But I think he likes being married to someone who kind of has NO interest in what he's doing. It gives him the freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to do it! He has the freedom of a single guy, and the built in excuse to never have to be committed totally. If he were with you he would not be able to go whenever and wherever he wanted - you would be a lot more expectant of having him around and also of knowing where he was going. I think he likes things just the way they are. You are someone who would so enjoy making a home with him, but he might be someone who feels "confined" that way. I dunno, as I said, I could be wrong. I DO think he has deep feelings for you and might even love you as he said, but I think he's someone who doesn't do well in a truly committed relationship.
But I AM happy for you that he told you he loved you! I can feel the joy in your post. :-)
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hey lexi,
I know what you're saying. I am trying not to fall into that trap anymore though. If he could be like this with me ALWAYS, I do believe that I too would like this "separate togetherness" that we have going on. I also think you're right in that he likes having the freedome that he does have...I mean really, who wouldn't?
I realize that I may once again hit a low point, I mean, that's the nature of these R's...isn't it? But, I'm trying to turn a new leaf and just be happy and grateful for what we have now. You are right, I would love to have more from him....a real commitment, you know?
I do think that if we were together IRL, I would give him all the freedom that he wanted...or try to anyway. It's a double edged sword I think, he's gotten so used to his freedom because he never had a true R with her...and I do think that is what he was looking for when he got M in the first place. I could be wrong of course, I frequently am! But I think he really does want someone in his life with whom he could share the things that a man and wife share. Oh well, at this exact point in time it doesn't really matter. I am learning to be happy with what we have and for now that is just going to have to be enough.
Please feel free to bring up this post the next time I'm here railing against this, that or the other thing!
I'm learning lexi, I really am. Taking things one happy day at a time!
Have a great day!
benska
anotherseyes
I'm happy for you, too.