Not Sure Where I Am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Not Sure Where I Am
6
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 12:00pm

I haven't been around much this last week, and although I've been really busy, it's also due to the fact that I'm not really sure I'm in an A anymore.



As you all know, it's been a bit of a roller coaster this last month, with H moving back home, my initial thought that I could let AP go only to find I couldn't, deciding I'd continue with the A and still work on my M.



The thing is, H and I HAVE been working really hard: we've met with our Pastor, and we've both been reading a book called "The 5 Love Languages" and are getting close again.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 12:20pm

I don't see the harm in you still posting here. Your not sure exactly where you are but I think you are still in the affair even if its not physical. I admire that you want to work things out with H and give the marriage

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 1:20pm

I think you belong here, Another. Even if the physical part of your A is over, I'd say you still have somewhat of an EA, and even if that's over, you can post and help people out as long as you'd like to hang around. I think you would give some good advice regarding the possibility of changing relationships in the marriage - you thought your marriage was dead, and it wasn't. There are very few to give that perspective, and sometimes people need to hear it.

I'm glad to hear things are still going well with your H, and I hope it all turns out to be what you hope for!

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:17pm
I have pondered what would be if AP#1 went to being friends only, not a PA. I see him at least 2 times a week outside of our time together, since our families frequent dinners and outing together. So i would be hard to be just friends.... i hate to think of if we were ever exposed.... either way, i would want to remain friends if possible if something were to end our A.
i wish you luck w/ your M. Sounds like you are trying what you are capable of. stopping the physical part of your A is a right step to helping your M work. going "cold turkey" and no contact w/ xAP would be devastating i am sure, so maybe the slow pull back and less contact as time goes on would be best. We're all here!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:59pm
Another,
Thank you so much for posting what you are going through and feeling. I am somewhere at the same place you are. I love my H very much, got into this A and have wished I had the strength to stop. I too care very much about him a sa person and it isn't all about sex (for me anyway). I feel terrible guilt as a Christian but it has not stopped me from wanting to see him.
I hope things work out for you and you find the answers and strength to do what ever it is you feel is right and what you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 11:41am

I have been wondering what you've been up to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 11:42am

Hi Another,



Firstly, I agree w/ Lexi, no reason for you to leave here, and lots to stay!..



All Rs go through phases.. unless you realize that, indeed, your A is getting in the way of you getting to a better place in your M, I don't see why you would need to give up a good friend..



When I met my AP, we were both struggling with our Ms, and even talked about what would happen "afterward".. but over the course of time, we realized that ending our Ms is not an option.. and then, we saw