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| Fri, 09-24-2010 - 8:21pm |
How do you know if your AP has feelings or if he is just happy with the sex and fun? I am MW with SG. When we first discussed our A I told him I was looking for FWB. He said that sounded good (of course he would hello!). He had certain "rules" so it would not get complicated but some of those have gone out the window, including the fact that he had been seeing someone and said he would feel bad seeing me but then did anyway and is now not with the GF anymore. I FEEL like we have gotten much closer but have no idea how he feels and when we last discussed our RL and what we would do he said we should just take it as it comes. Id love to tell him I missed him (as we have a LDR) but am afraid he will say nothing and I'll feel stupid. It's probably just my insecurity talking anyway that feels the need to hear him say it. Anyone else go through these feelings/squirrels? How do you deal with it? Guys opinions and suggestions welcome!

I agree with jersey.
anotherseyes
This is a tough one. Unlike the first two I don't tell AP stuff like that. Sure, I miss him sometimes, but we talk frequently and if there is a day that goes by that we don't I kinda keep busy just like any day that I do talk to him. We don't talk feelings at all really. We obviously have feelings for each other or we wouldn't be where we are. We "love" the things we do to each other and that has been said. But more as a figure of speech. We have said joking around you will miss me and the other has said yes, but it's nothing really serious.
I'm not a big "feelings" person. I hate showing my feelings, I hate talking about feelings and I hate having to explain why I'm feeling like I am. I'd much rather shut down and just ignore it.
I think I'm more like a guy in this aspect. I don't discuss feelings with him because well, I can't have feelings for him. While I do obviously have feelings for him, I don't allow my self to acknowledge or act on those feelings. I do act in the sense of seeing him and talking/texting to him, but not in actually allowing myself to fall head over heels in love with him. I don't allow myself to miss him, I don't allow myself to hurt for him. It keeps everything in check in my mind.
I found your response to this post very interesting. In the beginning of my affair I never discussed feelings with AP whether I felt them or not. I didn't want to complicate things further but in time he was the one telling me the " I love you's, I miss you & want to be with you". I only responded with a smile and a kiss. He would get upset and annoyed that I never said it back or felt it period. To me by saying it-it would have made it official and again I didn't want him thinking things were going to escalate because I felt a certain way for him.
As time passed I found myself telling him how I felt anyway but he doesn't believe me because he feels you can't love or feel for 2 people at once. Of course its 2 different loves that I have for them but he knows in what ever it is that we have, his feelings are deeper & more involved then mine. Like you I try not to allow myself to love or miss him but I do...so what do I do next? I keep super busy so not to have him in my head and that helps most of the time. The night time as I'm ready to go to sleep is what gets me.
I admire how you are able to compartmentalize it all. Best wishes to you!
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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