Just thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Just thinking
6
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 10:27pm

I saw AP tonight at a local event and it has me thinking about some stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 2:26am

I know what you mean jane,



During one of our evenings, we were talking about stuff....our relationship and how it started, things that have happened, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 8:38am

This is what I read on the "all sides" board all the time Jane. That even when we think everything is hidden and no one is getting hurt, the way we act does have repercussions. Spouses "sense" something even if they don't know what it is and this can cause them to be depressed, upset - and not even know why. Children also sense something and they can act out. They don't feel as "safe" in their home, they know something is up. The spouse/parent is not as engaged in home life anymore, and even when they're there, their family senses that part of them is not there.

I have wondered if my kids and family life would have been a lot different without my A's. But honestly, before them (and I was married for 15 years before I had any) I was chronically depressed I think. I was not fully engaged in my home life then either.

I think my A's have been "self medication".

Hopefully your AP will get it back together at work! I hope he's put together that his A might be responsible for both his wife's emotional state and his work suffering. If he doesn't put it together, he can't learn from it.

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 5:12pm

Isn't that weird how we think that we are the only one affected by it? I guess that is because they never talk about their feelings (your AP and mine).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 5:19pm

Lexi-I am gald that an A works for you to help with you depression.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 7:04pm

Just thinking is right! So....I've been thinking, and I've realized that I too have used AP to help with my depression. The only problem is though, that he's also a part of it :-( When we are together and having a great time, omg....the feeling of "yeah, this is where I belong" is so strong! But then there's the flip side, and when it's bad...I sink real hard. I have a hard enough time battling those feelings on a daily basis, so when I'm with him and I'm happy, it's just that much harder when it all goes "poof"!



I'm realizing now that since I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 11:18am
I have thought about this a lot lately too-how my EA is affecting my M and how it is affecting AP's M. I know how it affects mine and I am getting better and managing those feeling and separating things. It is not easy, but I try to put on my "game face" as someone mentioned. For AP, he has mentioned over the course of these past few months that at one point he was ready to leave his W (although he was quick to clarify that it had nothing to do with me). At that point in our R that wouldn't have even crossed my mind since it was just the very beginning. I though it odd that he even felt he needed to clarify it. His W had been particularly crabby and difficult. Last week he mentioned tome that they had been bickering a lot. I know it wasn't about me per se, but I wondered how much of it had to do with this EA indirectly. She ended up in the ER that same day and told him he didn't need to come. It was for a recurring illness she has. He went of course. I think he may have felt guilty because he was bickering with her, but we were having a very flirty day at work. Anyway, I know I have been more disagreeable with H since this all began and your post made me think that maybe it goes both ways. That our APs are affected by the As as well. I don't want to mention it either for fear he will decide to stop the EA because of it. I do think they are aware of it though, they're smart guys. I don't want AP to have a hard time at home because of this EA, but I also feel validated that it is not one sided, we are going through similar things.