Affair addiction
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Affair addiction
| Mon, 09-27-2010 - 10:50am |
Here is my dilemma...few months ago, I ended (mutual agreement)my long distance affair. I am not proud to say it, but I went on Ashley Madison site, and boomed I clicked with someone (she is married too) very nice (and hot too, lol). Met twice, but a couple of things have rubbed me a wrong way (if feel like i am being used) and i am starting to have doubts about our affair.
So, here am I fighting off temptations to activate my profile on AM. But on one hand, I don't want to do it because this, if i find another AP there, will be my third A...is this a sign of addiction? Should I call off my current affair and go on the site to search for a suitable AP?

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Yeah you probably are "addicted", if that's what you want to call it. Whatever is missing in you that an affair fulfills, it doesn't get "fixed" by itself. I think it requires a lot of soul searching and possibly therapy to figure out. Once it's figured out, there's still the work of fulfilling it in a constructive way rather than the destructive affair way. There are those of us who would rather go through torture than open up whatever wounds are buried there causing our voids. So we have chosen affairs to fill that void in us, and if that is what works, then we'll probably keep doing it.
In my case, I think I really thrive having two relationships. Don't know why, or what's wrong with me, but I think if I were coming of age now, I would seek out an "open" relationship. That was heard of when I was young - occasionally - but it sure wasn't an option most of us would have chosen at that time.
BTW discreet, it's good to see you here again. What is it about your present A relationship that makes you feel "used"? That's interesting, since it's usually a more common feeling among the women.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Mmm, interesting now that you said that...I think my problem (if i can frame it that way) is that a risk taker and thrive on spontaneity. But also dislike routines and get bored easily. And definitely sometimes I wish i was in an open marriage. The irony is that before we got married, in comparison with me,W was on the wild side in the sexual department...I guess not anymore, lol
Anyway, I don't know if I am reading too much into what my current AP said or maybe some sort of insecurity on my part! I will put (for privacy's sake, i am not to put all the specific details) it here to hear what you and other board members have to say. First, I don't like the way she bashes her H, calling him all kind of names. Some info about the H are ok, but it sounds like she is in the affair for a revenge. Second, she shared that she has a crush on a hot co-worker who she has been trying to seduce, which I have no problem with at all. But here is what is bothering me a little bit, she said that I (don't want to sound cocky here!) satisfy her like nobody has done before, and would love me to be her f-buddy even if she succeeds in seducing her co.worker (she mentioned it three times). Now should I jump in excitement?
Sorry, did not mean to write a book here.
You said youre feeling used?
T-You really think that all A's are people who are just using each other? I dunno. Use is such a strong word. I guess if I would ask myself why I am in my A I would answer that I sought intimacy, friendship and love. Would that mean I am using him? I don't know.
Boston-I agree that the comment about wanting to seduce a coworker is ridiculous. I would have been out the door. If she wants to seduce him then what is she waiting for. Oh and the comment that you are the only man who has done it for her, well..she probably is going to say that to her coworker once she is done with her seducing.
I don't know if you are addicted to A's but you may be addicted to falling in love. That new feeling when you first get to know someone, the butterflies, the excitement? Perhaps you are looking for something more deeper and this woman sounds a bit shallow.
Discreet, your dilemma is a lot like mine!
Had a very brief A with an old friend. Both of us are married. He freaked out and realized he couldnt be physical with another woman but we still talk A LOT. Our conversations frequently are rated MA.
I finally realized I needed the physical part of the A because I dont have any physical relationship with my H. Got on AshleyMadison and met someone. Long story, but ended that and jumped right into another A with someone else from AM. That's ok but... old friend #1 is sniffing around again.
I found that any "relationship" from AM is based purely on the physical first, then the emotional/getting to know you stuff gets involved. I think you're looking for ("addicted to")the type of A that starts out as friends so there are more emotions attached.
Did that make any sense?
Odessa,
You didn't write a book.
I agree with the others that it wouldn't thrill any of us if our APs were openly talking about seducing someone else. It would make one feel used and kind of unimportant - as if she were driving home the fact that she considers you just a "F-buddy". I would say she might not be the one to fulfill whatever it is you are looking for. Up to you whether to give it more time though, maybe she will soften a bit after some time, if you want to give her a chance.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi Boston..
MM here in an A w/ a MW.. we did find each other on AM..
Well, for us guys, yes, there's the thrill of the hunt.. the excitement of the new.. that's a strong pull, no question about it..
But, at some point, that thrill wears off.. and
I have questioned in ALL my A's of being used. My current one tries to show he isn't but has never come out and said he isnt. I wish I didn't care about him or feel that "need" for his attention to be fulfilled. Most of it is not fun and games that is for sure and I am working everyday on recovery. Love Addiction is a very real disease and addiction.
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