why why why!!!
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why why why!!!
| Tue, 09-28-2010 - 3:51pm |
Just a question that I'm sure I know the answer too, but I just don't know why a MM who is having an EA stays in his M?
| Tue, 09-28-2010 - 3:51pm |
Just a question that I'm sure I know the answer too, but I just don't know why a MM who is having an EA stays in his M?
I think a lot of people around here feel that way. But it's not all as cut and dry as that I suppose. Does your AP have children? That seems to be the number one reason people stay married when their marriage is unhappy. Sometimes they have more affection for their spouses than they will let on also. Sometimes money is a factor, but I don't think it's usually the WHOLE issue, unless they would be impoverished in a divorce (more likely with a woman than a man). Sometimes it's the whole family "package" - they've built up a life together - family (including in-laws), friends, neighbors. Having an A could be the supplement that a lot of people feel "completes" their life, but that doesn't mean they want to change it at all - they like it just the way it is.
As for your H - have you told him how you feel? He might be putting up with things he doesn't like because he's more or less satisfied with the "whole package". But if you do get him to leave, it doesn't mean your AP will come running either, so make sure you want your H to leave for yourself, and not to be with AP.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Yes, my AP has a daughter who just started college.
Hi Rmab,
Good question! Especially for affairs where the APs have discussed leaving their Ms..
However, looking at it more broadly.. there are Ms where the S won't/can't leave, due to kids, finances, fear, insecurity, etc.. and there is no A.. there are Ms, where, without an A, one or the other spouse leaves.. and very rarely, there are Ms, where the S leaves to be with an AP.. I'd say, in order, the percentages, if a
Your right on the stats, I know that very few AP's
well I think same question can be asked about you why you stay with your H when you are in love with MM & can't stand your H to touch you ?
May be he needs to see the real picture of his M to realize he has been living a fake life .
I agree with the whole family unit thing. Exactly, why I am not leaving. Looking in from the outside we are the perfect family. We aren't hurting financially, kids are well rounded and behaved, we travel, and we interact wonderfully (when in public or at an event). On the inside I'm pretty much dead to my marriage, however, I know we both benefit more from being married than not being married. We could never have the lifestyle we have currently if we left each other. We wouldn't have our cookie cutter track home, nice cars, all the latest gadgets, materialistic things. We'd be worrying about how we were going to make it and we would both have to downsize very much (well, not me as much as him because I do have family money that I could tap into, although I'd rather not) - neither of which we are willing to give up. So yes, I stay in my marriage for purely selfish reasons. I like my designer purse, the BMW I drive and the fact that if my kids ask for something I don't think twice about buying whatever it may be - from a $60 PS3 game to a $5 Zhu Zhu pet.
And that folks is precisely why I stay married - I'm pretty much a snob and so is my H. We both are too stubborn to give up the lifestyle we have created. He grew up poor, I didn't. While I wouldn't be poor if we split as I said above, I'd rather not tap into my "family" money more than I have to. And while I do make a decent wage, it wouldn't be nearly what we make together. So I search out what I am missing on the side. Is it wrong - sure, do I care - not today!
H stays because he has no clue - I'm THAT good at the good wife act! Okay, that's not ENTIRELY true, he does know we are having issues and we are seeking counseling for those issues, but he has no clue I'm pretty much over this marriage, but then again he's probably thinking the same thing. We were married young, kids young and we have grown up with different ideas of what we want/need.
my_name_is_k, your right, I need to ask myself that question.