Therapy with AP...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Therapy with AP...
15
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:33pm

So, interesting development... my AP is coming to my next therapy appointment with me. We've been talking about our R and what it all means and it's just gotten so intense. He doesn't talk to anyone but me about us, I'm his best friend so he can't really ask me for advice. He knows that therapy has helped me this summer to figure out my feelings, articulate them and mostly just to have someone to talk to that doesn't judge and is there to help me. I'm not sure what it all means or what will happen. I'm hopeful that it will help him get to a decision point or some resolution about us, but we'll see. We've done some pretty stupid things over the course of our A and I'm surprised in hindsight we haven't had a D-Day yet (especially considering our weekend away a few weeks ago that some of you know about). I can't tell you how many times we tell each other how much we love each other, how often we talk, how neither one of us can stop thinking about our situation. It's literally exhausting, but I continue to feel alive and so

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:46pm

Wishing you & AP well on your therapy session. I love that he's going with you and not making a big deal of the appointment. Some men are very hesitant when it comes to therapy but I very much admire that about him.



 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:52pm

I am totally curious to see what will go on there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 8:01am
I'm curious how that will go also! Keep us updated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:32am

Thanks ladies... I'll keep you updated. Looks like I won't be able to post anything until later next week though! :)



We talked about it last night... we've actually talked so much over the past week it amazes me. I haven't seen him since last Thursday, but we've talked every day... for hours at a time. I went to Vegas for the weekend to go to a wedding, by myself (H stayed at home)... and AP was home alone. We talked into to the early morning hours, txting eachother pictures of ourselves (that was new and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:01pm
Just curious...you therapist is ok with you bringing your AP instead of H? Definitely interesting, would love to hear some feedback
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:18pm
She is... and I think its because she knows the extent of my feelings for my AP and for my H. I wouldn't say she's for me leaving my H to be with my AP, but she's for me doing what makes me happy. Don't get me wrong, it's going to be interesting for sure. Kind of odd that we are doing this in the first place, I mean it obviously makes more sense for me to go to couples therapy with my H and for him to go with his W... but we shouldn't be having an A either. The reality for us I think is that we found ourselves in this situation, it's incredible, but awful. It's uncharted territory for us both. We can't continue our lives like this because it's honestly not sustainable considering how deep we both are into all of it. We don't want it to blow up in our faces either. Subconsciously, my AP wants me to get pregnant or for us to get caught so the 'decision is made' for us, and we can be together. I am not ok with that because that will just end up causing so much more pain than necessary. What you've got is two people pleasers (he and I) and we don't like rocking the boat or upsetting anyone. This is going to rock the boat and upset a lot of people. So the question is... is what we have worth it? Can we walk away and be ok/happy? Are we willing to put it all on the line if it means we can be together? So yeah. A lot. Hopefully my therapist can help us sort through some of it and what it all means.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 6:47pm

"..... as much as I am so deeply in love with this man and want to leave my H for him. the idea of leaving my H, of actually doing it and having that conversation and packing it all up... gut wrenching ........... "

well that would be be gut wrenching for your H & not you , as you dont love your H & rather pinning for your ap .

" .......What you've got is two people pleasers (he and I) and we don't like rocking the boat or upsetting anyone ............ "

I think there is no way of telling your H that you are leaving him to be with his best friend and not make him upset, no matter how much you sugar coat it .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:36pm

So... it was interesting. It was good, it was nothing I didn't already know but what it ended up doing was making my AP think about our situation and realize he needs to make a decision. I think he's going to stay with his DW, which breaks my heart especially knowing how much he loves me. So we left therapy and spent a pretty incredible afternoon together. Lunch, shopping and then hotel for a few hours (two person jacuzzi, champange...). Now I'm home and he's at dinner with with DW. He and I talked a lot after therapy, he did tell me if he talks to his DW about it, I'd have to talk to my DH too... which I realize. Not sure how this will all work out. The fact that he came with me just makes me love him more... great, right?



Enjoy the weekend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:53pm
I am confused!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Wed, 10-06-2010 - 1:30pm

Hi Jane - sorry, I wasn't clear. If he tells her, it would be to leave. Or he would just tell her he's leaving. He wouldn't say anything to her about the A if he stays. We have admitted since therapy and this past week that we want to be together, our hearts want each other but the logistics are intimidating and the sense of obligation is making it impossible to commit to a decision. So, the A continues, our relationship grows more every day. I am so in love with this man!

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