Did I have the "talk" too early?
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| Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:58pm |
Hi all,
I am new here and have some questions. I am involved with a MM and I am also married. His wife lost her drive 8 years ago and he said he is sick of being unhappy so he wanted to have some excitement/spice in his life. I have been married 3 years but am very lonely. My husband is a functional alcoholic and is hardly ever home. I am bored, frusterated but don't want to leave and either does the MM. That is understood I think. We met on Ashley Madison.
We have been talking for about a month and then just recently met up last week for the first time. WE had drinks and just chatted and seemed to hit it off. He grabbed me for a long intimate kiss before I left. Next day he emailed and said he had a good time and the kiss was so good he almost got a hotel room that night. Then this past Monday night, we went to go see a movie, well, not see, we wanted to go somewhere dark where we could have fun and we did. He kissed me again before leaving and said until next time. He said he thought I was going to be so much fun once we finally got a hotel room. The problem is before all this started, we never discussed what we both wanted out of this. I really didn't think about it until today because he said that hopefully we would be together again soon. So I sent him an e-mail:
Ok, I am going to ask this once and only once just because it wasn't made very clear in the beginning. I don't want any misunderstandings/drama or confusion. Are you wanting a relationship as in us hanging out/talking and most importantly sex, :)

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No I don't think it was too soon. Although I think this conversation is better left for an "in person" one. E-mail can be so misunderstood. We can't see facial expressions or hear tone of voice and we can misinterpret a brusque e-mailing style for coldness, etc. If he answers, you might want to send another e-mail that you'd like to talk about it face to face, just so there won't be misunderstandings.
And, although you say you'd be fine with a "sex only" R, that's very hard to manage for most of us. Just read the stories around here!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
I think it was a good idea.
Thank you both for your replies. I feel a little better now although he has not responded yet. The reason I sent him the e-mail is so that I didn't put him on the spot. Thought maybe he wanted to think about this before he responded. I guess I was too nervous to do it face to face but I totally understand what you are saying. My husband and I have gotten into many arguements im'ing eachother because things were taken as mean or cold. We try not to do that anymore.
Hopefully I didn't freak
Ok, he finally responded:
I think feelings get people in trouble, especially married people. I
am not looking for a friend I don't have the time. What I am looking
for is sex hot fun sex. Drama free....... If you are needing something
more I'm probably not your guy.
So at least I know, I just responded but saying that I understood and just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
Thanks again for all your help. Hopefully I can just be in this for sex. I guess we will see. Glad it was cleared up though.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi AJ,
mm here..
Good move asking the important questions ahead of time.. ! Now, you know for sure you've done the right thing by asking..
Just from what you wrote, I was wondering.. what if he'd said, I am looking for both a lover and a good friend.. someone I can be close to.. probably not in an emotional sense, but more as good, close friends and lovers.. how would you have felt about that?..
One thing about AM is that.. well, you may not be his only AP.. which brings up its own complications.. or that, he may enjoy the hunt and conquest better than the result of being intimate with you.. and may leave soon for another hunt..
I guess, what I am asking is.. do you feel like you are settling for him? You already have enough challenges at home, from what you wrote, and, somehow, I get a feeling, that if this went further, you'd add one more challenge to your life.. that what you seek is not just a good roll in the hay but also a good friend that you can be yourself with..
Again, probably not my place to bring up these.. and I am assuming a lot.. but, I just wanted to share my opinions.. and let you decide what you think is best for you..
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The one thing you need to do is figure out what you want. Do you want a lover? A friend? I think you do. You mentioned you are lonely. That to me says you are looking for someone who can be there for you as a friend and as a lover.
I don't think you should go to the hotel. You are going to feel used and you are going to get hurt.
There are men out there who feel as you do and want a friend. Someone to talk to, connect with, email with and have a physical relationship with. I met a man like this.
I am glad he is being honest with you.. However us women have a little thing call emotions.. If you sleep with him you might fall in love.. Men have no connection with sex and emotion. Look at me I been in my R for nine months now and I just cannot break it off. When
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