Now what??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Now what??
8
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:11am

I'm not sure if I belong here anymore, I guess it's too early to tell.

AP and I supposedly ended the physical part of our relationship a few days ago. Before he left he said we would still talk and hang out but no sex. We usually talk every day if not by chat at least by email. He said he would talk to me in a few days and we'd still talk a couple times this week. I really thought this would bother me but with my family coming back I honestly haven't given it much thought. If it wasn't for the dreams I would be taking things really easy. I guess because I know he's not going anywhere, I want to give him the space he needs to, as well as me to get my head straightened out.

He phoned me an hour after he left to make sure I was alright and not falling asleep since I had a long drive to make that night. We talked for a few minutes but that was it. I emailed him when I got there so he knew I made it and everything was good. I figured after that I would wait for him to contact me. It didn't take long, he emailed me first thing this morning to see how I was and wants to chat at lunchtime. He had pulled away a bit before we agreed to stop, I know his reasoning is to make things easier on me because I am the one that really wanted things to be different when they couldn't. I think now that he knows I am handling it well he's having second thoughts. I'm not sure if I"m happy about that or not. I can't handle the ups and downs. We haven't had many of them in the last few months but I have self inflicted ones. I don't know if I want to go back to that. I do love him and always will but first and foremost comes the friendship. I think the only way I want to get involved again is if he is going to leave his wife. We got away with it so far, I don't want to go back to the sneaking around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:54am

Hi Lost, I'm wishing you well on your journey. I don't see why you can't continue posting here because although the PA stopped you still are in an EA with him. To be honest I really don't think its over between you two at all. I think its just a phase, he's stepping back to try and get some clarity but he will be back. If he continues to keep in contact with you the likelihood of that happening is very high. I know on EAS you'd have to cut off ALL TIES to AP. Not emailing, text, IM, chatting over the phone~ NONE. I don't think you both will be able to do that so keep posting here.



Wishing you much love & strength.



 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 1:27pm
Thanks Rayne. I definately won't be going over to EAS. One way or the other he is always going to be in my life. WE have been friends for over 10 years before we ever started anything. I want to keep it that way. He has said the same. I just really thought by his actions over the last while that he would pull back more, seems now that I surprised myself and pulled back to he wants more. I'm just not sure what I want anymore. I can't keep having my heart strings tugged at. I'll have to see where things go this week I guess and over the course of the next month or so. There's going to be 2 weeks in Nov of no contact but then we will be spending some alone time together with some hobbies I'm thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 1:55pm
" I think the only way I want to get involved again is if he is going to leave his wife. " You need to remember this and stick to it.Unfortunately you alone have to deal with all the emotions that come with it.
Are you SW? Keep your options open though!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 5:02pm
No, I"m married, been together 14 years and have two younger kids, he has none. I"m trying to work on my marriage right now, I can't go forward and backwards again. I talked to him at lunch, we won't talk in the evenings again until tomorrow and probably on twice a week but he signed off saying we would talk again at lunch tomorrow as always. I think I"m as confused as he is. I don't know if I want to talk to him at lunchtime. I get disappointed if he can't make it and sometimes it's only for a few minutes, not sure it's worth it. I can't believe I'm even saying that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 5:56pm


" ....I"m trying to work on my marriage right now, I can't go forward and backwards again.."

ok , in your previous posts I thought you were planning to leave your H for AP ? is that plan still there ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 6:03pm
It's a definate possibility but right now he has no plans to leave his marriage. If and when it ever came up I would have to re-evaluate things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:47pm
I can understand why you would be getting tired.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 1:51pm
I think for your own peace of mind, you're going to set clear boundaries with AP, and no matter what, stick to them.

anotherseyes