I'm sorry but I feel the need to SCREAM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm sorry but I feel the need to SCREAM
2
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 7:49pm

I'm just miserable today, I'm mad at life, mad for being bp, mad for being depressed, mad because I couldn't convince dh to play ill to get out of work which leaves feeling lonely & abandoned. I'm deprressed, irritable and just feel like screaming at someone, something, anything would do. I feel so twisted w/ horrible emotions. I haven't been like this in a couple of weeks and I hate feeling like this. I've already taken 2 .5 klonopin to help calm me down. I think the 25mg seroquel are the source of my nightly indigestion because I didn't take any of those today and I have no indigestion right now. I'm so depressed I'm angry or maybe I'm so angry I'm depressed, Oh what does it matter, I"m P.O'd no matter how you write it or rationalize it. I called my p/tdoc and she hasn't called back. She leaves for vactation tomorrow and I'm still hoping she'll call me because I can't be like this for 10 days until I see her again. Ugh, this bites! I envy those of you who are manic right now, I'd much rather than being like this.


Sorry for the vent but I needed to get this out. Thankfully there is a chat on the anxiety board tonight so I will go there, those ladies are amazing too. I am very comfortable there, hopefully being there might help my mood. I want to take my seroquel early tonight just so I'm sleeping before dh leaves for work becuase I'm mad at him. I know it's not rational and it's wrong and I'm going to fight that urge because I know he feels bad but darn it........................

Hugs & Prayers


Danielle


Hysterectomy & Alternatives


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhhyster


"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:29am

Hey Danielle,


Hang in there and I hope you're feeling better this morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:08pm

(((Danielle))), I feel your pain. I'm pretty sick of it myself. The other night, I was so depressed that I was feeling manic, if that makes any sense at all. I was having both at the same time. Something a therapist once suggested when I was first diagnosed was to make a list of feelings and how the "old me" would react and then come up with things that the "new me" could do to avoid going that route. This is something I had a hard time with because I could never pinpoint what triggered me, but if you can (when you're going through a "normal" phase) this might be possible for you. Like when you're feeling lonely like that, is there something productive you could do instead of getting mad at dh? I don't know your personal situation, but I know that the anger (in my case, the loneliness and depression) can just eat you up inside.

Keep us posted...

Dawn