OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! *trig* HELP!
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| Sat, 03-12-2005 - 11:47am |
as you guys know from my last post on thurs or friday, i had a little problem with my xbf and emails? well the update is, his wife read the emails and now she wants a divorce! her and i go way back as each others rivals over "S" so there is a mutual dislike between us. he forgot to delete the emails and wifey found them and because they were from me she was doubly pissed. the thing that im afraid of is one of those emails has my home and my cell number on it and shes the type of person who would call me or my husband and harrasse us! i am so terrified that DH will find out. i don't know what to do!! im freaking out!!! there is no way i can tell DH anything about this. now every time the phone rings i hit the roof!! oh my god, i KNEW this was gonna turn out badly but not so bloody soon! i dont know what to do!! please someone tell me what to do!! i dont know if i can keep it together much longer today. i absolutely CANNOT change my numbers it is not an option number one DH is gonna wonder why.
i feel like crap that i started all this. i mean i dislike the woman but i would never intentionaly break up a marriage!! if the phone rings one more time im gonna run down the street screaming. oh %$#^ this will absolutly kill my husband!
I HATE this *&^%$ disease!
im gonna burn in H***l
valerie

the sickest thing about all this is i still want to talk to him! i feel so bad about all this. i know he is as much to blame as me. he emailed me and said goodbye! i just enough to want to see him and discuss this face to face. i totally have lost all sexual interest in him now but i feel i need closure (what a stupid word..) this all happened to a reason this definately nipped it in the bud before it got much,much worse.
im sick about all this! but i cant get him out of my mind i want to talk to him and tell him how very sorry i am. i know this is the opportunity for me to let it go. oh god... i don't know if i can hold on!!!!
valerie
First of all, you're not gonna burn in h***. If in fact you are a Christian, and I'm not saying I'm a strong one, but I do know the Bible says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Give Him a chance to help you.
Secondly, this is an example of the repercussions I was talking about. You are actually lucky that this happened before you actually met or before the hypersexuality got so severe that you had met with **several** men. You have an opportunity here, even though it might not seem like it.
Here is what I would suggest, even though it might be painful. If your dh is aware of your bp, he has to be made aware that things such as this can be a trigger for you. Ask for his help. Sit him down and educate him about the "textbook" nature of what you are struggling with, tell him about what almost happened, and tell him you are afraid it could happen without the help of your tdoc and pdoc. Explain to him that no matter what happens with your relationship, you are going to need his support as well because you can't fight this on your own. It may help...no it definitely would help... if he could come to your next tdoc's visit so they could explain everything from a medical professional's pov.
I know all of this might be painful for you, but it will be the best thing you could do in the long run. By going to your dh before your xbf's dw, you are showing that you are serious about getting help. You can't hide this from him. This will also help you get the help that you need sooner than you might have otherwise.
Please keep us posted!
~Dawn
Oh Valerie!
Love,
Valerie,
I'm with Jamie on this one--I wouldn't tell DH unless it becomes necessary--there is no point in hurting him needlessly.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{valerie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} i am with jamie and marci on this one. all three replies are excellent ones, but until and unless the issue becomes known to your dh, there is no need to put him through unnecessary pain. i agree with
there is absolutely NO WAY i could contact xbf dw this woman hates me with a passion. ive tried over the years to talk to her but she wants no part of me. as far as their marriage, it in a shambles since they met. he married her because during that time, i was in full bp madness though at the time i didnt know it. we were very much in love and he went into the army so he could make a life for us when he got out. my family has money and his was very poor so he never thought he was ever good enough for me. i was never ashamed of him i loved him very much though my family hated him they didn't think he was good enough for me. he met her when he was home on leave and he couldnt find me. i used to dissappear for days! he had enough and met her and they started dating. when we finally did see each other again we immediately started up dating again......but he was still seeing her. he finally told her that he loved me and wanted to be with me and then i started dissappearing again. he got fed up and married her. we still saw each other whenever we could even though he was married to her. she found out. well she kind of knew when he was with me anyway cause he wouldnt come home. he even told her at one point that the only reason he married her was because i was so unstable. of course not in those words but close! thats where the rivalry began. thoughout the years, we have been in and out of lust/love we're talking about 25 years. through all of my relationships, and his, we have always come together to have sex. once i met my husband, all that stopped. ive been with my husband for 14 years now and have never cheated on him. all of a sudden, he popped in my thoughts and i couldnt get him out. about 3 years ago, he found me through classmates and we started coorosponding by email. i knew this would be very dangerous for us to see each other cause whenever we get together we alwayws end up in bed. we met for drinks, and we both felt that feeling coming on and i abruptly asked for him to take me home. this was three years ago. this is the first time ive we've been in contact since then. i just dont know what it is about us being together that turns us into these animals. i could never cheat on DH but by god thats the closest ive ever come.
xbf wife has many reasons to hate me, i really dont hate her, there is no talking to her when it comes to me. i will do the letter thing, i think that may help, but the old OCD will kick in and i'd have to rewright it a thousand times then reread it a thousand more before anything got done! i am definately in a hypersexual state right now. we went to a party last nite and i almost attacked one of my husbands friends...who i did have sex with before i met DH. it was pretty intense so we backed off and stayed away from each other for the whole nite. his wife was there too. what kind of meds do they give you for this stage of BP? im on 200mg of lamictal 200mg seroquel, 60mg of prozac and a sedative which im eating up like tic tacs just to keep my legs closed LOL! i no this is totally not funny.
i cant say how much i LOVE you guys....i dont even know you all but i love u all so much. im gonna stop before i cry.....uh oh..too late
valerie
there is no way i can tell my DH ANYTHING about this, NO. WAY. he is not the type of man that would say.."oh, shes BP, she can't help herself" besides i love him so much that what makes my behavior so repulsive to me. he takes great care of me even when im having one of my *episodes* and when my paranoria kicks in, im constantly accussing him of cheating on ME! i tell ya, BP is a &^$^*^*&%*$#%%$%%^$&*)*)!!!!!!!
XBF does have a track record of messing around.....so does she. their marriage was a sham from the beginning. my best friend told me that his whole story stank to high heaven, it just doesnt make sense. first of all, he works with computers so why the heck would he leave any evidence on his computer for his wife to find? he tells me he dislikes her so why does it bother him that she wants a divorce when its what hes wanted for years? she thinks that it was getting too intense for HIM an to punish me for the crap i did to him when we were young. he is still very bitter about that. he said i ruined his life when i left him. my girlfriend strongly feels that he reeled me in got my heated up for weeks then dropped me when he knew it would hurt the most...just to get back at me, and you know it makes a sick kind of sense. im still battling with not hearing from him and i think thats what lead to my misbahavior last nite. i have got to get some help. i see my tdoc on weds. morning.
valerie
valerie,
i totally hear you about his marriage being a sham from the start. however, that is NOT your fault. if he married her to 'get back at you' that
Valerie,
Ditto to what Traci said.
Love,