One iota away... * MAJOR trigs*
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| Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:47am |
...from taking every pill in my medicine cabinet or running my car off the road. I feel trapped and panicky like I'm going to explode and NO one really cares. I feel like if I dropped off the side of the earth, no one would care or give a darn. Big deal! I am near hysteria sitting here at work. I need to call the pdoc but I don't thing SHE cares either and her receptionist intimidates me. Everything is piling up and I can't handle it anymore. I want to end it all. Who really cares if I'm not here anymore? My parents and husband would mourn and be angry for a while, but it wouldn't last. I don't know what the heck I have to live for. How did I manage to get myself in such a mess? I blame no one but myself for this either. I started all this. I realize I may be cowardly and self-absorbed to even consider this but I don't know what else to do. I am actually AFRAID of living now. The future looks bleak to me.
Sorry everyone! I really needed to get this out. I'm sorry if I caused any triggers. I know that I am having a MAJOR self-pity party. If only I could have been "normal" like everyone around me. sigh
I'm not sure what will happen today, so take care everyone...
Jodie

Jodie...call your PDOC NOW!
I agree with Keli...please call your pdoc...your family and friends would never get over losing you. There must be something in the water today since I am feeling much the same, although trying to control it...we can try to hang in there together...
Hugs,
Rose
Jodie,
We CARE and so do lots of other folks, (your family and friends would be absolutely devastated), it's just that old demon BP talking right now!
(((((JODIE))))) Hugs to you sweetie. I know exactly what you are going through. I don't think my pdoc likes me at all. His receptionist is a sweet lady, but she also intimidates me when I call in. I hate it. However I hate to call, but I do when I feel like you do today. You need to know you aren't alone....I know at least once a month sometimes an entire week or even an entire month I feel like taking my own life.
Now...I know you want to be like the "normies", we all do, but we can't. I'm trying to understand why people don't understand us. It isn't us, it is them.
We will all miss you if something happened to you. You are loved, very much!!!! It wouldn't be just your family, an action like that would also hurt you extended family here. We love you. Lord knows you have been there for me so much in the past. If there is anything I could do for you I would be first in line to do it.
Love and Hugs!!!!
Carla
(((((((((Jodie)))))))))
I agree with what has been said, but I just wanted to let you know I CARE!!!!
Hugs,
Amanda