update, some of it at least
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| Sun, 03-20-2005 - 2:21pm |
So much has been happening with me but I have been filled with dread at the though of posting. I'm not sure why exactly - just one of those irrational thimgs I guess.
It was a week of appointments, that's nothing new I guess. I had 3 in 2 days though and they weren't just "the usual".
The one with my disability counsellor wasn't that good. I didn't feel like I accomplished anything there. I felt bad for wasting her time. It's also not directly disability related so I feel bad even talking to her. I told her that before (I can't believe I did, but it came up somewhere) and she assured me that she wasn't going to drop me and her role was not just getting me accommodations, but anything that interferes with my school work etc. That assuaged my fears at that time but now I'm feeling insecure again. That is because I don't have another appointment set up. I hate leaving there without another appointment. It's like I feel I won't see her again. Even more so because it's nearly the end of the year. I don't know if I'll be able to see her next year or if she'll even be here. I don't know if I'd be able to see her over the summer if I was in class, but it's too late to find out now because I made my entrance to my next program for September. Now I have thought about that it and it would be better to start in the summer and *maybe* take 4 courses and then I only have to take 6 next year and I'll finish in a year instead of two and won't have to worry about becoming part time and losing my bus pass. Maybe I should talk to Christine about this.
See I should have posted earlier. I'm a third of the way through the appointments and there was even more wonderful stuff this week that I wanted to talk about. :( Sorry to blab.
The one with the psychologist was a bit better than the one with Christine but I really dont' know what we accomplished except that I got to talk to someone about my dissociation this week. (I bet I haven't even posted about that have I?)
I'll write about the third appointment later...it's a biggie.
Amanda


Amanda,
I don't see why you can't call and make another appointment to see her now.
Thanks (((Marci))),
I am very much torn in my decision. I have already decided to call and book an appointment tomorrow. (Although I don't know if I'll be able to bring up my fears about not seeing her).
I feel like I'd love a summer off, but at the same time I haven't had a summer off in forever and might be lost with that much time. In HS I even took summer classes. On the other hand I have correspondence school work to do.
I feel like last summer was a summer off whenI think about it then I look back and realize that I took a course both semesters (2 is a full course load in the summer) and worked nearly (if not) full time and I went to a meeting nearly every night. Yet I still feel like I had the summer "off" because I sepnt time *every* night on the bus talking to my friend/pastor/counsellor/bus driver. I must have been manic!
Love,
Amanda
The third appointment this week was with the psychiatrist. This was our first meeting. I was very nervous, as I am with anything for the first time. I actually declined the suggestion that I could meet with her when my disabiltiy counsellor suggested it. Then when the psychologist suggested it, I was in a mental wellness group at school and the psychiatrist came to answer any questions, so I was familiar with her after that although hadn't really "met". She says she isn't sure about all the dx's I have been given - I think she is leaning toward bpd with possible bipolar and has added one that no one has given me before - a tic disorder. I never knew I had a tic?! I don't know what disorder that falls under or if it's one on its own. Then there is the fact that we didn't even finish our inital interview in the 45 min we were supposed to. She said she needs more information. She is going to talk to my dr and get my records from the mental health clinc and then we are going to continue with our interview. Yikes.
We also talked about some very serious issues that I had never told anyone about let alone talked about so that was tough. I think I probably looked epileptic with all the shaking i did that appointment. I was so shaken emotionally that i had to skip my next class. I was supposed to have an hour between my appointment and my next class but I went in late and got out of the appointment even later. I think she had no lunch break left by the time I left there.
It is funny that after the appointment I really wanted to call my friend from the mental wellness group (who also happened to have her first appointment with the same same doc.). And then I looked in my purse because I thought I had it on the paper that had her email address but it didn't and then I remember she gave it to me when we were talking online so it wouldn't be on that paper. I was sitting in the lounge for a few minutes and there she is! (There are many lounges in many buildings, and she doesn't hang out there). So that was awesome. I ditched my class and my friend and I grabbed a coffee (actually iced chai latte and iced cappuccino) and walked around campus. I still had to go to work so I didn't have much time, the same as if I had gone to class, but I liked this use of it better, plus I have been surprisingly good about going to class this year.
Amanda