panic and tears
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| Thu, 03-24-2005 - 8:30pm |
The next installment of my saga lol...
Last weekend was not a fun one. Starting Friday things went downhill. I had a massive panic attack when I was sitting outside the building of the class that I was just about to go to and so my prof so me flipping out and shaking and hyperventillating, all that wonderful stuff. This is my cool prof that i talk to every week mind you, but still it's embarassing whenever I have a panic attack. I especially felt like a loser because she went upstairs to put the video on and came back down to stay with me...and she asked me twice if I wanted to go to the hospital (probably 100ft away). I said no way. What the heck would they do for me. So she must have been pretty worried and didn't know what to do. When she came back outside I had taken off my scarf and coat and rolled up my sleeves. I was boiling. I'd have to be to roll up my sleeves. I never wear short sleeves or show my arms in any way. She said I was nuts, it's freezing. Go figure. Then without even having gotten over the shaking I got up and decided I was going for a walk, nearly falling over when I got up. So I left and Dr. C. went back up to the class.
I had to work that night. There was no way I could go to the hospital. My boss works during the day and there is no one else to work friday nights so he'd have to work friday night too. I managed to get through it somehow.
Getting through work the next night wasn't so good. I was constantly on the verge of tears (actually think that started the day before) So, I went to work Sat and went to the back and cooked bacon (balling my eyes out) and did prep so I wouldn't have to deal with customers. But only a couple of hours into the shift my coworker left - since one of the day shift girls took the day off. I cried and cried all night. Sometimes just streams of tears rushing down my face and others all-out wailing. I don’t know how I made it through that night. I was SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO alone. I got home safe and stayed safe.
I went to church in the morning but was late so I couldn’t tune and get set up to play my guitar, but the pastor set up a microphone and I sang. At the time he was first setting it up, tears were streaming down my face but by the time everyone finished greeting each other I was ready to sing. Tried to put on a semi-happy face. After the service I was curled up in a ball, sobbing again like I had lost my best friend.
For the first time since the tears started three days earlier, I felt a bit better. You know, the “good cry” that you get it out and get on with life. Up until then I cried a bit and it remained just below the surface so anything could bring it back up again.
again, sorry for so long,
Miserable one aka Amanda
p.s. since then I saw dr. c and she didn’t say anything directly about the incident asked how I was but normally does. got some ativan…after the fact of course


Hi Amanda,
I just found this place yesterday and I really think we both have one thing in common to be thankful for and it's the wonderful people here. I will keep you in my prayers, I sure know panic attacks are no fun. I have them too and I boil when I do. Sweat will stream down my neck, back, face and chest. Most of my co-workers blame it on Peri-menopause.
Amanda,
I love you!
Thank you both.
((Keli)) I'm sooo sorry you are having a rough time. I wish I could fix it for you.
No perimenopause here...i turn 24 on monday. lol.
Hugs,
Amanda
Amanda, so sorry to hear about that panic attack...sounds awful. I'm glad you do have that prof who seems to understand, though. That's amazing that you were able to sing at church...you've got a lot of talents, you know? ;) I hope your sadness is all out for now...I'm not feeling great either, but I wanted you to know I care.
Hugs,
Rose
Awww thanks Rose.
I'm gonna cry now...because you are soooo KIND! It's just so hard to believe that anyone could care about me. And BTW I care about you too!!!!
Love and hugs,
Amanda