I need help, badly!!!! TRIGGERS
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| Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:45pm |
I'm so depressed today, that the only thing I'm thinking of is taking my life. I feel so empty and lost. I know you all may be mad at me for what I'm about to write, but I feel I can tell you without you judging me.
My exhusband came over the other day and we got along GREAT, and yes I did something I should not have. BUT.....I don't want him back, I just really loved the attention. I've gone out on a few dates and apparently I'm just not the dating type. I can't get a second date to save my life. I'm not nasty, people say I'm pretty. I guess it is the extra weight and the fact I have no real date clothes to go out in. I'm working on the weight and as soon as I lose some pounds I'll buy some new clothes.
I just feel like nobody will ever want me. I know xdh isn't the man for me, but I have to say he really filled my head with some bull, and I believed it, just to make myself feel better. I'm a loser and really don't want to live.
I don't value myself, I never have. I don't need a man, I just want the company, the companionship, someone to talk to and to listen when I talk. xdh is not that man! I'll never go back with him. But, I did what I did and I can't take it back.
I think I'll go downstairs to the public phones and call the hotline. I doubt they can talk me out of this......I'm VERY WEAK today and really don't care.
I'm not shaking, I just have that empty life is worthless feeling and pdoc won't call back. I keep getting his assistant and I refuse to talk to her. He is my doctor, not her.
Oh well.......I guess I'm just a loss cause.
Sorry yall.....I just am at the end of my rope.

Hi Carla,
Please,please,please call your Pdoc and ask to speak directly to him. If you can't get him to call you back, call the hotline. You shouldn't beat yourself up over whatever happened with your xdh. You made a mistake, and you should move on from there. You have learned that you can't be with him. That is
***Hugs*** You are not a lost cause, you are not worthless. You are a wonderful person and deserve better than how you feel now. It can happen. Please be safe.
hugs and love,
amanda
please, please listen to your sisters on this board! we have all BTDT lord knows i have. try to think of tomorrow and what a great day it will be. i do feel your pain, i feel pretty crappy today myself. when i do, i call on my BP gang and they cheer me right up. i hope these responses do the same for you. i do agree on insisting to see you pdoc if not, find one thats more caring. i know its not east to start over with someone new but wouldnt you rather have someone who will be there when you need them? if its really bad, then you MUST go to hospital immediately! try to get thru this 15 min or less at a time. every time 15 min go by then go thru another 15 min. try not to thing to grandly. baby steps girl, baby steps..... and before you know it you'll be sleep and hopefully will bring a better day.
keep the faith sweetie and know we are all here when you need us
valerie