new here with some questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
new here with some questions
4
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 8:52am

Hi my name is Danielle and my mother-in-law is bipolar. I have been with my husband for 9 1/2 years and married for 6 1/2 years. I never gave much thought to my MIL and her disorder until about 3 years ago. I have always dealt with it very well, until now.

Here's my main question: She is extremely negative and critical especially when her meds are off balance. My husband and his family say it's because of her being bipolar. Well, she can really be nasty, talking about the family to other family members. I feel that to a degree this can be true, but the more it happens, I feel that it is a choice to be that nasty and critical. Am I wrong?

I have Graves Disease ( I am normally on the thyroid board) and one of the side effects of my disease is a short temper (my endocrinologist even verified that with my husband) and I can snap at my husband or kids, but then I realize what I am doing and change how I am talking or acting. Is this possible with bipolar disorder?

I am very understanding of this disorder, however, I have 2 kids, 3 1/2 and 18 months, and the last thing I want them exposed to is someone who is very negative and critical especially about other family members. Our neice and nephew are 10 and almost 9 and are really confused about grandma.

She is going through issues now with her meds and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law are taking care of it and my husband is talking with her doctor via the phone (we live 2 1/2 hours away).

I would appreciate any and all help with educating me on bipolar disorder!
Thank you!
Danielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:58am

Danielle:

I wish I could say that it was just her being negative, but Yes bipolar can make you act that way. I have a SEVERE issue with it when my meds are off, and a moderate problem when they are good. The best way I can describe it is that (no matter what my mood is) if something triggers me just right I can open my mouth to nicely tell someone that I was unhappy about what they said/did and instead screaming and obscenities and very mean things come out instead. I can be having a nice conversation with a family member, and before I even know what I am going to say, something mean about someone else can jump out of my mouth. I've even had where I have said something horrible to a person, and when I've gone to apologize something WORSE then my original statement comes out instead.

Now, my family basically knows that sometimes my mouth is 3 feet ahead of my brain. To combat it, I TRY to always think 3 or 4 times about what I am going to say before I open my mouth....but that doesn't always work - especially if I have been triggered into a rage. Then, it is an agreement between my dd and me that if I start in, she goes directly to her room and shuts the door until I am "done".

Good luck finding ways to cope with this aspect of her illness. Hopefully, her meds will be straightened out soon and then you can work with her proactively to find controls.

Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:56am

Tracey, thank you for your response. I know once she gets her meds straightened out, she will be fine. I can always tell when they are off, she'll call several times a week and talk, talk, talk without me being able to respond and then, she'll say good-bye and hang up! It's normally once a week or longer that we talk to her. It was easy when my father-in-law was alive because he would take her to the hospital as soon as her meds were off. Now it takes a little longer to get things straightened out because she lives alone.

I do understand the severity bipolar and how easy it can be to have the meds get thrown off. It seems like this board is very supportive just like the thyroid condition board is! It's amazing, you have never met these people before, but everyone becomes your best friend! I will be back from time to time, this a great support for me in helping me with my MIL!

THank you!
Danielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 8:20pm

Danielle,


I second what Tracey said about turning into a raving "witch" when my meds are off AND depending on her age, you MiL may also be getting hit with the Menopause witchiness too (BTDT and when I am, ya better get out of my way.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 11:02am

Marci, thank you for the links! I really appreciate your time! I will definately be able to use them! I know that this is very serious and it's hard on my husband especially since we are not living near her.

Thank you! Danielle