Update on Me....trigs maybe
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Update on Me....trigs maybe
| Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:21am |
I am so freaking frustrated with all this Bipolar mess!
| Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:21am |
I am so freaking frustrated with all this Bipolar mess!
((((Keli))))) I hope these meds work for you. You've been so strong and working sooo hard to get this under control - you certainly deserve a break! If you need any strength when you feel like you don't have any, I hope you will feel free to borrow ours.
Many hugs. I hope things go better for you. Just give it a little time, as much as you can, and give the meds time to work. If you really can't give it that time, then please call your doc and let him/her know.
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((((Keli))))
i definately feel your pain. ive been trying to find the right cocktail for over a year now, have yet to get thru all of them. when i go to pdoc, everytime she has to change my meds. i sometimes to feel like chucking it all in. i also have been fed up and disgusted with BP.
the one thing i can tell you is thanks to a huge following of friends and family and mainly DH, these are the things that keep me here. i made my DH cry when i told him that i was going to end it all cause im a burden and i'll never be normal again. he explained to me how important i am to him and how many lives ive touched and how i'll piss off a whole slew of people. these thing are wonderful to hear but dont always work.
what i can say to you is you are NOT alone> you may not believe so now but you do especially your DH. my DH takes care of ALL the household duties after working 12hr days i feel so guily, he says dont worry about it but i know hes under tremendouse stress. Just thank God you have the support of your DH and remember how hurt he would be if you were to go away!
keep trying the meds, i know how difficult it is BTDT just keep saying the next combo will be the rite one and if that bunch doesnt work you say the next combo will the rite one..... and so on and so on... if you need to talk to your doc about this maybe even you primary physician mine is wonderful.
may God bless you always!
valerie
Keli,
I'm so sorry to hear of the rough time you're having, will send positive thoughts that the new meds help.
God, I SO remember my frustration when we couldn't seem to find the right combo for me.
((((Keli)))) I sure hope that things level off for you!
Something you mentioned, Valerie, kinda got me thinking. I search for approval a lot. It ends up being me baiting my dh. It upsets him because he knows that deep down, I do NOT believe all of the lies about me being worthless, etc. But I use that to get him to lend me some of his strength and good opinions of me because I feel like I'm fresh out of anything good about me. In no way am I saying that feelings of hopelessness is just a ruse to get people to say how great you really are, but maybe it is in a small way? I don't want to piss people off, but ya know what? If I do piss someone off, maybe it's because it's hitting too close to home to be comfortable.
My point is this: If it's at all possible (and at first it'll be quite a struggle), tell yourself those great things when you feel hopeless and worthless. If need be, type or write out the good things you'd want to be told in those situations (write it when you're manic or just in a good mood), then label it and keep it handy for when you're down. Then force yourself to get it out and acknowledge it. Don't just half-hearted read it....BELIEVE IT! When you're done and feel better, you'll turn around and be amazed and empowered by your strength to pull yourself out of things, instead of relying on others (who are already really stressed by our bp) to give you strength. Relying on others is important. Support is vital. But being able to rely on yourself most of the time to give you the inner strength you might have forgotten you actually have is a great gift that only YOU can give yourself!
Much love to you all, and strength to everyone!
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Your absolutely correct in the fact that alot of times i use those words as bait. at the time, im totally unaware of what im doing. god knows im insecure but even when i say those things even his kind words dont realy work. your also correct in stating that we should say possitive things to ourselves about our selves, but nature of BP sometimes doesnt allow us to say these things about ourselves.m if just saying we are great and wonderful people did the trick then none of us would be BP.
there are times however that the kind words do get thru and instead of me saying "thats it, "im outta here" i think about all the people i may hurt at least for that minute and sometimes a minute is all you need to save your life. also, we fall into sort of a routine by bashing ourselves because at that point i has become a habit to think those thoughts instead of thinking them thru.
All im saying is we need all the help we can get when we are going thru tough times and if calling on friends and family and yes yourself makes you feel better then what the heck, go for it!
keli, i so know how you are feeling right now. please hang in there. we'll fight this thing together and help each other through. and everyone hear too. we're all going to help you. keep fighting!
love ya,
traci
Love you keli. Glad to hear you're safe and sorry to hear about all the upheaval. My thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Amanda
Carla