The latest crisis...

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
The latest crisis...
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 6:30pm

Must we live from one crisis to the next?

I'm going blind, or so it seems. I had thought it was just that I needed to get my eyes tested really bad (it's been 6 years) and that they were just going with age (lol I'm 24 although I have had eye problems all my life...surgery as a baby and everything). It had never occured to me (and I still don't know what did make me consider it) that it might be my meds. I know why I *didn't* consider it, because I hadn't had side effects from the med really. Then I realized that I had recently increased, and quickly. And it turns out photosensitivity and spots in front of the eyes (although I didn't see blurry vision) are possible side effects of Epival).

I have been at 6 pills epival a day (1500mg?) for a week. Unfortunately, I increased faster than I should half and look where it got me. Now I am decreasing, and of course that has to happen slower than the increase (surprising to me). But hopefully within the week I will be back to 4 (3 days each at 5 and 4) and then we'll see if I have to go back to where I was, at three. I doubt that. I'm pretty sure I can increase, just need to do it slow. I think I was starting to get stable mood wise and then the SEs have to go and f it up.

So I was freaking out yesterday. I still hadn't received a call from the psychologist saying that she had booked an appointment with the psychiatrist, which was supposed to be tomorrow, otherwise it wouldn't be until the 20-something-th. I couldn't wait that long as my family doc is not doing my meds now and I will run out before the end of the month.

So, I sent an email to the psych last night asking if she had booked the appt and telling her what was going on. This is not something I normally do, but something had to be done NOW!

Then I spent most of the night in the dark writing my essays. Brightness on the computer turned down and no direct lighting and the light that was on was very soft. I was tempted to wear sunglasses. Still the squinting to make out anything...grrr...this was making me batty. I hate feeling like I'm going blind.

I did have a good meeting with Christine last week though.

Another plus, I got one essay done last night, and one done during the day today. Within a half hour I handed in 2 essays and did a test (and got 80). Phew! My msn yesterday was 3 essays 1 day...more than a little freaking. ...Now it's only one more essay. Then of course I have to worry about exams, but still assignments will be done.

This will be the first year that I don't fail anything. I better not or I will end up in the hospital completely crazy or suicidal. I know this seems trivial, but I am graduating this year, finally, and if that doesn't happen (and i've gotten the invitation, pictures etc) I think I will completely lose it. I got my grad composite today too.

Oh, and I did get an email back from the tdoc and did get an appointment with the pdoc for tomorrow (1 of 2 spaces left until MAY!) and see the tdoc on thursday. Phew, again.

Amanda

Photobucket