I Have ?s (possible triggers)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
I Have ?s (possible triggers)
3
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:02am

Hello All,

I was hoping I could find some help here. Not for me, but for my younger brother.

He has always been sort of odd, I guess; very clingy as a child, not motivated, can be the life of a party one minute and a total recluse the next.

This past year has been the worst, our family has tried everything we can to figure out how to get my brother to be well, productive.

He flat out refuses to get a job, he can come up with a million and one excuses as to why he is still not working. When he does have a job, he will find a reason to quit.

He also will go from being pretty sociable, willing to be helpful and meaning good intentions; to a total basket case the next minute. This evening for example, I caused him to start crying because I told him not to make a sandwich, we were about to serve dinner. We also had some very special guests from out of town at dinner tonight, and he didnt even make an attempt at noticing they were here.

Up until recently I thought he was just kind of rebeling against the rest of us. I have made numerous attempts to help him out, as well as the rest of the family. But this week was particularly enlightening. Might I add, we do not have a history of mental illness in our family; at least none that have been documented or treated.

I am getting ready to move and I needed some help with my yard. I am incredibly allergic to anything that grows, and my husband is out of town and can not help out. So, I offered to pay my brother to do the job. He agreed, and at the beginning he was doing great; he was thurough, punctual and in great spirits. By day 3 though he had made a 180 in personality; he showed up late, was not very willing and left early (he came up with some lame excuse as to why he could only stay 15 minutes). Day 4 and 5, the same exact thing, and Day 6 he came long enough to stand around for 5 minutes and was gone, not even an excuse.

That afternoon he spent all of his time huddled up in blankets and watching TV, he got up long enough to go get some food and then right back to bed. And today, he spent his time in front of the TV again. He did come out for dinner, but he never looked up, joined the conversation or anything. Once he was done, he was back in his room watching TV.

My parents have tried everything, we all have. In fact they have offered to find him some help, and he turned them down. Another month of this went by and they both just lost their temper and gave him an ultimatum 30 days to improve or he loses everything but his bed. Well, that 30 days has come and gone and he is still in the same situation; minus 2 classes he decided to drop (he is in college) and all of his belongings and privileges.

I know he needs help, I just dont know how to approach him. And I know my parents are just at a loss when it comes to getting even a response out of him. Please, if anyone can give me some advice I would greatly appreciate it. You can email me at amharkness@yahoo.com or I will be sure to check back here as well.

TIA,

anna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 4:51am

Anna:

Unfortunately, like an alcoholic, someone suffering from a mental illness will only get help when it is what THEY want. Yes, you can force them into treatment, but if they aren't ready/willing it won't stick.

Is your brother BP? I can't say. What you describe is consistant with some of the behaviors of BP, but he would need to see a qualified psychiatrist, psychologist, or other doctor.

If there is more we can help you with, please let us know :)
Tracey

btw: although bp and many other mental illnesses can be heredity, it is possible for them to develop without anyone else in the family appearing to have one. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:13am

Thank You.

No he has not been diagnosed with BiPolar yet. Both of my parents and myself have offered to help him find a Dr or someone who can be more helpful to him, and so far he just says No. About a month ago he told my Mom he has never been happy with life and she should just get used to it. I know that hurt her, because she has done everything she can to give him a great life.

I appreciate your input. I just hope we can get him some help soon, this year has been particularly frustrating and a bit scary to boot.

Anna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:16pm

Hi Anna,


I agree with Tracey, it sounds like you brother needs to see a professional in order to find out what is going on. You could force him to see someone, but he will never get the help he really needs unless he is willing to.


Please take care,and come back anytime you need to. If it is to ask question, or to vent, we are here.
((((Anna and family))))


Hugs,

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