Worried about friend
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| Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:37pm |
Hello, I am here hoping for some advice.
A little back ground...
My parents neighbor has Bipolar Disorder and is on the Manic end. This disorder didn't seem to come to light until about 12 years ago when her first daughter was born. Shortly after she started drinking. She spent about 3 months in rehab, and picked up smoking. Quit all of the above and was placed on lithum and did well for about 7 years. She wanted another baby and quit taking lithium. Here second daugter was born and I don't think she ever went back on lithium. She refuses to get real help and is on prozack from what I know. She is so completely manic that it is scary. Recently she had surgery and became addicted to pain pills. She has fallen away from religion which I don't think has helped. Doesnt' want to go to a therapist if he is going to tell her certain things. Probably, that she needs to get her act together, she needs to not self medicate, and the list i am sure goes on.
My question is more or less about her Husband and two daughters. I think her Husband is in denial and can't see that she is starting to plan a divorce and take everything including the girls from him. Her daughter's 12th birthday is on Monday and she looks so lost and sad. Mostly because she doesn't have a mom who seems to care. She can't rely on her mom because she will take off for days at a time and go see her sister. A part of me thinks she could be having an afair but with whom I dont' know. (probably someone from her AA group) The lady just isn't stable.
i feel like a part of me should interveen but don't know if that is right. I want to tell my friend that she is very sick and she needs to see someone who will help her. Her actions are causing painful and i believe damaging feelings with her daughter and her husband.
As a friend do I have the right and or responsibility to talk to her, her husband, and pull her daughter aside and explain what I know?
Any help or advice would be apreciated greatly.
~Em

Hello Em and welcome...first of all, let me say that you are a very caring friend and I commend you for coming here for advice on how to help you friend.
Em:
I just wanted to re-iterate what Keli has already said. You are wonderful for being so concerned with your friend and her family. However, you can't make her get help. It may be an eye-opener if you and/or her husband have a very non-confrontational talk with her about her behavior lately. HOWEVER, I would emphatically urge you NOT to pull her daughter aside to explain what you know is going on. I think that would be very detrimental to the situation, and they would probably feel you were meddling. I would instead talk to the husband and explain that you have seen some big changes in his daughter's behavior and let him know how concerned you are for her. Help him to see how she has changed - you don't even necessarily need to point out his wife's behavior on this. You can ask him if there is anything you can do, including talking to the child to see what she wants to tell you. That way, no one can say you are budding in where they don't want you. As a really really over-protective mom, I think I would go ballistic if even my very best friend in the world stepped past me to my child without my permission unless it was a life-threatening (or close to it) situation.
I think you are a fantastic person for wanting to help your friend out - a lot of people would just turn their back on them.
Good luck!
Tracey
Hi Em,
Sorry I am so late in replying. First, I would like to commend you on wanting to help out your friend. I can't say much different than what Keli and Tracey have already said. They gave you wonderful advice. I think having a talk with the husband is a good idea. Talking with the daughter is a bad idea. I have 2 girls,and I would be extremely po'd if someone went around me to talk to them about me, and my condition, and my actions. That is a parent's job. (No offense.) I would point out to Dad that his daughter's behavior has changed. (He might not know that it has.) But,