Dating Someone Bi-Polar (long)
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Dating Someone Bi-Polar (long)
| Fri, 05-06-2005 - 3:10pm |
Hello, I am so glad I found this board as I am at my wits end I think. I have recently started dating a woman with Bi-Polar Disorder and wonder if this is in fact one of the reasons we have been having such communication issues lately. We have been friends for about a year and have both recently been out of relationships several months ago. We 'click' together, always have and she is a joy I count myself lucky to be with, still, as of late we argue about just not understanding eachother. We do not live together and both believe we couldnt for at the very least a year but we do have things at eachothers homes (toothbrushes, hair dryers, etc etc) and each have drawers for eachothers things when we are over. Lately she has told me that I am too 'intense' that while we are dating, she feels that its just too much now and that she is in some heavy relationship. I am not the pressure type, I just want a commitment to be monogomous but not get married or anything crazy like that, that is soooo down the road. She tells me that I worry too much for her, that I shoulnt say things like "we should get that looked into" when she has a strange result on one of her doctors tests, that I am somehow trying to make it about me and not her. I have never seen her be in a 'manic' state and depressive only when she has gone days without the right amount of sleep. She is quick to correct me in most of our conversations and sometimes I think she doesnt realize how being at times so 'blunt' can really hurt a persons feelings, she calls it being honest. Yet, she is quick to attack if she feels like she is being patronized. She is sooo smart and makes me laugh all the time, but there are times she says one thing and I know I am not stupid or forgetfull, but she meant something so totaly different I just dont understand how anybody could have got her meaning. This is what we argue about most. I feel like I am going crazy because she is so back and forth about things. Last month I got emails and calls where she told me she loved me, missed me etc etc. She hasnt said these things in weeks, and I feel like I am the one having to say them and now its uncomfortable. I guess I am just wondering if any of this sounds at all familiar to people living with Bi-polar disorder or with someone, or are we just going through the motions of a new relationship and this doesnt enter into the equation at all? Just once I would like to say something like 'Oh, that wall is white' without her having to say something like 'Its not white, its more off white or egg shell or..."
Thanks for listening, I hope this makes at least some sense.
Thanks for listening, I hope this makes at least some sense.

Lurker here...Good grief, for a second I thought my husband had posted. I don't know if it can be said that the things you mention are typical of a whole bunch of bipolars, but they're sure typical of me. As in, you just pretty much described me. :P
What really helped my poor long-suffering husband was to realize that it wasn't about him; it wasn't that he was doing something wrong, or that it was really true that he was wrong all the time, or whatever, but it was about me and the disorder. He went through a program designed for the families of people with mental illness and educated himself about bipolar disorder as best he could: check out www.nami.org for more on their Family-to-Family programs and to find one in your area.
The one thing I do want to address is the worrying about doctors' visits, etc. because it's the one thing my husband does that drives me nuts too. I know it's hard, but try to trust her to take care of her own doctor's appointments, test results, etc. without interfering (unless, of course, you see her doing something that's obviously putting her in extreme danger). Bipolar disorder has a way of making one feel out of control and incompetent as it is, and when someone's looking over my shoulder going "Ooh, did you do this? Did you take care of that? We should get that looked at!" it makes me feel even more like I can't get my act together than I already do. So, if you can let her take care of things like that herself, it will show that you trust her to do it and believe she can do it, which will provide the support she needs. Obviously, if God forbid she becomes suicidal or something like that, you do what you need to do and sort it out later, but try to let her do things for herself and take a "hands-off" approach.
I hope this has helped: feel free to e-mail me through my profile (click on my username and follow the links) if you'd like, because, as I said, your girlfriend's story sounds virtually identical to mine. Hang in there; I know we BP's can be tough to live with.
From Go-Quiz.com
Erin, your a marvel! ever think about counceling? you'd be very good at it.
valerie
From Go-Quiz.com
don't be surprised if your not offered a better position in that field. some one there notices what a great job your doing. you may not have to go back to school. do you have a mentor there? older woman with white hair? i definately see a job advancement! everyone loves you there don't they? but there may be one lady that gives you problems. ignore her, she's just jealous!
let me know if im right. one and a while i have a brain fart and see things lol!
valerie
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