I need yall more today than EVER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
I need yall more today than EVER!
13
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 9:13am

Could be a trigger for some.

Today would have been 12 years exactly! I'm having a VERY HARD time. X called this am and said that he was thinking of me and knew I was sad and having a hard time and that all he wanted was for me to be happy, healthy and to move on. OK. That was very sweet. He really is sorry for how he treated me and I'm sorry for how I treated him. BUT, it doesn't change the past, I know. We were miserable together, but it wasn't always like that. Well, anyway. He's happy with her. OMG, that hurts so da** bad! He is toxic to me. I just can't see myself being happy. EVER. Especially feeling so crappy! May use to be the month that I looked forward to, now this day has come and I want to run away. Pdoc never gave me anything for a panic attack and yall.....I've had one every few minutes since I got up. I'm still feeling the effects of the discontinuation syndrome and it isn't easing up at all. The nausea is lessened by phenegran but everything else is there, the shocking feelings when I move one inch. I'm miserable. I'm so very sad.

Carla

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:06pm

I couldn't agree more. If I didn't have the people on this board I would probably not make it through the day.

I do feel better. I'm still shaky, but I'm in decent spirits. I almost took a girls head off earlier. I hate a smart mouth, and she smarted me off and I went off on her. Had there not been a man between us I would have showed her what kind of person I can be and that would have been so wrong. But now that has passed and I'm good.

Not really wanting to go home since it is empty and lonely but I'll get past that. I hope.
C

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 4:50pm

(((((((Carla)))))))

You are one of the sweetest and most considerate people ive met and it hurts me that you are in so much pain. anyone who treats you badly are fools. i only just met you but im usually a pretty good judge of character and YOU are one of the "chosen ones" but that i mean, even though your going thru such a terrible time right now, you still take the time to help and counsel those of us on the board. that takes a very special person. you are very kind and empathetic and sympathetic. i've seen you help so many people here, you should be very very proud of yourself. as far as your XDH, think of being on a diet and you've just lost 180lbs (or whatever your XDH weighs) people come into our lives for a reason or a season. those who have left a possitive or negative impact should be used as lesson tools. these *&%$ do help us in the end, they make us stronger and more perseptive to the next knucklehead comes along.

i know whats going on may make you feel like "doo-doo on a stick" ( one of my crazy girlfriend term lol) but please know that you have me whenever you need to "black out" that means to totally lose it, another of her terms, shes a riot!) just email me my email is omeomi_9@hotmail.com and i'll be there for you.

this is my prayer to you;

dear Lord, i want you to look down upon Carlas head and lay your precious hands upon it and heal her. take her into your loving arms and hold her. let her know that you are always there for her, even if sometimes it might not seem so. surround your healing white light around her soul and calm her. give her the strength to recognized those who wish to do her harm and banish them. bring only loving and positive souls around her. she is one of your children, protect and love her and teach her. may her soul be calmed and lifted up in heaven where it will be blessed. Amen.

i hope you feel better and remember never let your ears go past your shoulders!

valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:03am
Valerie,
I don't know what to say, those had to be the nicest words anyone has ever said about me. Thank you so much!!! I think everyone on here does that though. You do it too. =o) So may I say I feel the same way about you. I couldn't deal with bp w/o yall. I just couldn't.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla

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