Ever feel like... Trigs! (long)
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| Wed, 05-11-2005 - 12:07pm |
you're going to completely break down? I haven't been posting lately because I was trying to make it on my own. I feel like I'm going to explode emotionally. I have almost no control over my emotions at all. Yesterday I really lost it at work (again) at my supervisor. Publicly. Loudly. Everyone was watching. She was furious. I nearly lost my job. But I can't control my emotions when I get upset. They burst out (mostly crying) whether I want them to or not. This is the 4th time in the last 2 months I've lost it at work. Now I am so depressed and ashamed, not to mention paranoid I don't know what to do. I was so positive I was going to get fired today I packed my desk. Now I am in a constant state of depression and agitation. I am sooo tired of feeling this way. I took five sleeping pills last night to try and ease it. I am only happy right now when I am sleeping. I feel totally worthless. I hold the title of "senior" at my job but I am totally unable to do the work that a "senior" is supposed to do and am considering stepping down before they demote or fire me. Let me tell you now, I know I wouldn't make it home if I got fired. I couldn't handle the humilation and feeling of failure. I am already planning what I will do when/if I get fired. This makes me feel guilty which only adds to my emotional upheaval. I truly feel like I am going to loose it. My blood pressure is up, I am having heart palpitations, and IBS attacks. I've been to the ER twice. I tried calling a counselor but was told they couldn't work with me due to the fact I needed afternoons and they weren't flexible and also they were booked solid for three months. They told me to call this other number but they are not on my insurance. It's pretty much these people or nothing. Hmmm...like THAT didn't make me feel rejected. What I'd like to know, is how to get myself out of this episode before it destroys me. I pretty much am getting NO outside help at all. Not sure where to go now-I am getting desperate.
Sorry so long, I haven't posted in quite a while!
Jodie

(((((Jodie)))))
Honey I know what you are talking about. I have fits of rage where I say and do anything that is on my mind, including lashing out. You HAVE to get into the counselor. HAVE TO. NO way will they reject you if they know what you are thinking of.
I had a stressful job and demoted myself. OF course when I did that I didn't lose any pay or seniority. Now I'm back to being a senior leader myself. I work independently in my own office, but if there is a mistake they come crying and yelling and I cry and YELL back. Once I threw a stapler at my boss. NOT GOOD.
Do they know of your condition? You may need to enlighten them.
PLEASE don't do anything to harm yourself. I need you here on this board!!! You have helped me SO MANY times. I want you to know you are NOT alone, not by a long shot.
My insurance sounds like yours. It sucks but there isn't much we can do about that. What we can do is take a few minutes.......take a walk, find a quiet place and just sit and stare. It may not help, but at least you will be alone with your thoughts for a minute or two.
Try whatever you have to do to feel better. Take a mini vacation, take off work early today and go find some ducks to feed. Sounds stupid I know but it did help me the other day to feed the squirrels on the campus here at the State Capitol. Watching them play sort of soothed me for a few. Not much, but enough to get to my desk and do a little something.
GOD I wish I could be right beside you right now and give you a hug and some sincere support. If you need me, I'm checking in all the time from 9-5 Monday - Friday.
LOVE AND HUGS
Carla
Jodie
Hi (((((((Jodie)))))))))
I am sorry to hear that you are in a difficult spot right now. I really think you should try to get in to see those people, even if it means taking time off work in the mornings to do it. Your emotional/mental well-being is so important. Have you thought of calling a crisis line? Maybe you can talk to one of the counselors there?
I want to reach through cyber space and give you a huge hug, but since that isn't possible, know I am praying for you. I am here to support you in any way that I can.
Hang in there.
Take care.
Huge hugs,
I know what you mean. I hate to write this but most people don't understand bp. I should say if they don't have it they have NO IDEA. They may say they do, but they don't, not by a long shot. Even my loving sweet Mom doesn't. She still likes to tell me to not let x get to me. I wish it was that easy. I've had to get off the phone with her because it makes me so mad at her, and it isn't her fault. She can deal with her problems like I'd like to, but until they actually have bp, and lets hope they never do they won't have a clue how we feel. That is why this board is my backbone lately. I can't get any support from anyone except here. People mean well, mostly, but they need to just let us be.
HUGS!
Jodie,
I so know how you feel.