Accepting criticism
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Accepting criticism
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 2:51pm |
I have a nagging question. Is falling apart every time you are criticized a part of BP? I completely loose it when ever I am criticized by anyone, especially work. I don't get angry at the person criticizing me, I get angry at myself. Almost hysterically angry. I feel self hatred, dispair, even suicidal. I feel like I am a looser, I should never have been born, I am not worthy to take up space...blah blah blah. I have been like this all my life but lately the emotions I feel when I am criticized are escaping my control. Any tips on how to deal?
Thanks a lot!
Jodie
Thanks a lot!
Jodie

I think BP does a serious number on your self-esteem. I'm not sure if it's an actual symptom, but a lot of BP folks have very low self-esteem (probably because we have such a hard time with our moods and most of us suffer for so long before being dx'd) I think accepting criticism is hard for anyone, but especially hard if you are already 'down'.
There is a self-esteem board here and mostly they suggest self-affirmation. Tell yourself that even if the critcism is valid... it is something for you to learn from, not a personal attack or an indicator that your not a useful and valid person.
I'm sure you have many wonderful qualities that you just don't pay attention to. I have the same problem. I obsess on the negative and neglect to celebrate the positive.
Catherine
I'm still very sensitive. Half the time when I was critized through my school years, it felt like it was to the point where the teachers were out to fail me and make me feel like I was the slowest child in the world. (And quite frankly, some of them really did go out of their way to do so.) Now I'm in a possition now where when I discuss what's going on with my parents, it feels like I shouldn't be bringing attention to what I have because "everybody goes through it" and even though that's something we mast all remember when the times are really bad, it's almost always followed by an uneducated discussion on how long I have to be on medicaitons for.
I'm not very pleased with my parents right now, can you tell?
Yep. It seems like it is particularly at work. I run around like crazy trying to get everything just so, because I live in fear of even the tiniest little bit of criticism. And as you say, it isn't that I'm mad at the person doing the criticizing, it's that I'm mad at myself for being so imperfect as to require criticism. I'd say "know what I mean?" but obviously you do. I dread our performance evaluations, because the whole point of those is to find areas where we could improve, which everyone has, but I just know I'm going to go home from that a basket case.
As to how to deal, I just basically try to keep reminding myself that it isn't rational, and that nobody is going to fire me because I didn't get every single dish in the sink done or whatever it is. Other than that, if you figure it out, let me know. :(
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