Just received a HUGE BLOW....Triggers
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 3:32pm |
OMG yall....ex asked me how I felt about him getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm literally freaking out here. This makes me feel like such the failure, so ugly, nasty, empty, betrayed, lost, worthless. You can only imagine the pain I'm in. Problem is I can't cry about it. I am just angry, not raged, just simply uncomfortable and mad as hell. I feel so mixed now.
This is what I said "How do you think I would feel about it? It took you 7 years to ask me to marry you and you haven't or haven't suppose to have even known this woman for 7 months yet. It is what it is and no matter what I think about it won't change your mind, you'll do what you want. But do not ask me how I feel again because I'm trying to hold my cool right now and I seriously do not want to hurt you right now. Please know this makes me very upset for many reasons and you have your utter nerve. Leave my house and take the dog with you"
He left, he also left the dog with me! This was around 6 last night. I really didn't want to tell anyone because of the way it is making me feel now. I'm ashamed of myself right now.
Now....I didn't cry, I was shocked and I really stunned myself how well I kept it together. I knew it was coming. I just knew it was, I also knew he had been seeing her longer than he let on to me. I just am shaking like a leaf and just feel so undesirable now. Not that I wanted him to desire me, he still does the idiot had the nerve to ask me for a quickie. I just shook my head no and he knew not to pressure me. Funny sort of that it would come to this. I truly thought I would be so happy when he left and now well....it just proves it was all my fault and it WAS ME!
I cleaned last night, something that needed to be done, but had I had any alcohol, I know I would have gotten drunk and left that mess. It felt good to redirect whatever I redirected.
Oh well...sorry for the novel. I gave yall the short version. Please nobody say I'm better off w/o him. I know that. I just need to understand why I can't get my freakin' heart to know that. For an intelligent woman today I'm a rock!
HUGS
Carla

(((((((carla))))))) your ability to keep your cool with him just goes to show your inner strength. and unfortunately, i do know how you feel. shortly after my ex and i were 'legally' divorced he became engaged to the thing he left me for. what i don't know is how long you guys have been divorced. for me, the separation lasted 2 long years because of court battles over the kids, my mental health, etc., so after 2 years i heard this and went nuts. i did rage and scared the crap out of my kids because they had never seen me like that, and i felt soooo bad afterward for that.
but, now some 5 years later we have both gotten over the bitterness and the anger and the hurt. his engagement to it fell through when he found out she was crazier than i am. lol. he recently started seeing a new girl, who he introduced me to and she is a very nice woman. the kids love her and i can see that my ex truly does too. i guess what i'm trying to say is that time really does heal wounds.
so don't feel like it is all your fault and that it was all you. it takes 2 to make and break a marriage, so give the devil his due. the way you responded to him was excellent and you should be proud of yourself for that. yes, it hurts and makes you angry.........if it didn't i'd worry. but perhaps you just need more time to heal the wounds. hang in there sweetie. it does get easier to deal with. i hope this helps.
hugs,
traci
Thank you Traci, he left the day after I turned 36. He left this past October 7th. Just over 7 months and 12 days ago. I still feel like I may lose it big time. Part of me wants to, being this "cool" about it scares the ______ out of me.
I have to go catch the stupid bus, x has both trucks! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I feel the volcano boiling. I'm going to organize my drawers and closets tonight before Blue Collar TV. I need the laugh tonight.
Thanks again!!!!!
HUGS
Carla
Carla --
Well, to start -- you ARE better off without the idiot (your words :)
Just take satisfaction in knowing that this poor woman will have to deal with someone like him.
You'll find someone who will make you feel like a goddess. I think everyone has a soulmate out there - and they will come along when you least expect it.
Hope you have a good evening.
HUGS
Cheri
i do hope you got your blue collar tv in, those guys can make anyone laugh;) 7 months is not that long at all. don't beat yourself up over the way he's making you feel. like cheri said, take pleasure in knowing some poor sap is getting saddled with him. i did that at first because it did make it easier to deal with the whole mess. i can remember thinking that he would get screwed over by her because she's an operator from start to finish and i can remember sitting back saying he was going to get his and i would be there to laugh myself silly when it happened.
funny thing about time..........by the time it actually rolled around (roughly 7 months ago) i actually felt bad for the guy. so don't be so hard on yourself. you are entitled to your emotions and they will be out of sorts for a while. it's okay. we are here to help you through it. and you can feel free to email me anytime you want. i can honestly say "been there done that" and i know how rough it is. my email is tldalton122103@yahoo.com
take care and i'll talk to you soon.
hugs,
traci
Argh!
"...the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference".
moragaine,
i
Good for you for taking it so well in front of him. It sounds like you really kept your cool. Good for you for turning down the invitation for a quickie. What a way to start a marriage. Good Grief.
As hard as it is and will be, you will get through it and you will be strong. You are getting help. We are all here for you.
Missy
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Carla)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I can't say I know how it feels; I don't. All I can offer is hugs and an ear to listen. Please post as much as you need to. Venting here isn't bad and it doesn't stress us out. If it does, we'd just read the post when we're in a better place. Take care of yourself. If you have a dart board, tape a picture of him to it and then play darts. Or if you have a big, fluffy pillow, tape his picture to the pillow and hit it until you're not mad anymore. The one piece of advice I would offer, even though I'm unqualified, is to journal, journal, journal! If you're too mad to journal on paper or computer, get out a tape recorder and rant and rave into the tape recorder. Awesome to do. Just pretend you're yelling at him and saying all of the things into that recorder that you'd love to tell him. Say anything you want. Only you will hear it. (Just make sure you label it and keep it somewhere out of plain view, in case he comes over.) It might be tempting to give him the tape as a wedding gift. Don't! That's revenge. That's not where you ultimately want to be. I love what Morgaine said about the opposite of love actually being indifference. I think it's so true! Don't be hateful and try to get even. Take your hate out on him in private where only you get the benefit of the venting. Then be cool and matter-of-fact with him. No matter what happens or what you decide to do, please take care of yourself. We're always here for you!!! ((((((((HUGS))))))))
(((((Carla))))),
Even though you are seething inside, you hung on--good for you!