this is for you Carla!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
this is for you Carla!
4
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 2:34pm

25 RULES FOR LIVING IN THE SOUTH

If you are going to live or visit in the South, you need to know these rules:

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened --add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah,even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address
our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't put on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beatingup the flag burner.
25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there why not visit a Northern state or stay there. And no, down here, we don't have an accent, you do.

valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 2:56pm

LMAO......man did I need that. I'm going to copy that and send to my dear best friend in Western NY. He sends me things on shot gun weddings and calls them a WV thing. LOL. I still love the silly man. =o)

Valerie.......I owe you a ticket to a comedy show one of these days lady. You ROCK! Thanks!!!
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 3:46pm

carla, im so sorry you were so upset! i didn't realize how angry you were when i sent you this. im glad i didn't hurt you or anger you more. im very glad you liked it. you go ahead and rage if you want to. its good to get it out, especially if theres no one else around~ lol. i hope i at least distracted your anger. your my gal pal!

i hope everything turns out well. who knows, the crazy thing just might work? tell mom thanks and keep it movin.

you know im here for ya anytime

valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:03pm

I just talked to Mom and it seems that she thinks since I don't believe it will work that I don't appreciate what she has done. I DO, I really do and I'm going to do it for a month & see if I can tell any changes, better yet...people here at work (they see me more than my family).

I did join the softball team. LMAO!!!! I hope I do well. Haven't had a bat in my hand since I was 18, over 18 years now. Hope I hit one out of the field. LMAO!!! Never could do that.

Well...my bus is about to run and I have to get.
I have you as a buddy on my list. =o)
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:23pm

Woo-hoo! im on your buddy list! thanks! i couldnt be in a better place!

valerie