Guilt and Confusion
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| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 10:33am |
I have been feeling pretty depressed and I have been trying to fight it. I have been tearful alot. I've been trying to make a big decision.
I want me and my dd to move in with my bf when he gets a new house hopefully he will this summer or by early fall. I was thinking of moving in with him by Christmas or by Spring.
My dd is so upset about this because we will be moving 40 minutes away from her friends and we won't live near a mall.
The mall is going to be about a 20 minute drive or so from where we would live. I feel guilty about up rooting her but I really want a family with my bf. He has a ds and I a dd and I would like us all to be under the same roof.
I know there will be alot of changes to overcome...I am ready for that.
As of now I travel an hour and 15 minutes every weekend to his house and then back to mine for the week. I am tired of the travelling all the time. This new place he will be getting won't be so far away but I still want to live with him.
I am lonely when I am at my house and feel more secure when I am with him. I want to do what is best for me AND my dd. I just hate all this confusion and guilt. I feel guilty because I feel like I am being selfish wanting to move in with my bf. I am always trying to do what is best for my dd and nothing is ever good enough...so it seems. I know she will be further from her friends but I told her I would take her to visit them and she can spend some weekends with her dad. He lives in the area we live now and she would be close to her friends on weekends, but she doesn't seem to think that will happen. I even told her if she wanted to move in with her dad...even though I would miss her, she could. She doesn't want to do that either. I told her I would visit her and she could come with me on weekends but nothing seems to be making her feel any better and she just doesn't like anything I suggest.
How do I make this big decision? I guess I have alot of thinking to do, huh? Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Anyone else been in this situation?
Tina~

Hey Tina honey!!!
Keli-
Thank you for responding and being supportive. I have had people tell me I should marry him before I live with him but I am scared to do so only because he is self employed and his jobs are sporatic. I don't want to count on him being able to pay for medical insurance for me and then one day he can't and then I am out of meds or if I need to be hospitalized I am out of luck. I get medical assistance from social services and SSD and I will be getting SSI also. If I marry him I will lose my SSI and my medical assistance. I will still be able to keep my SSD but I will lose being able to get my Rx's. I just want to be happy and this has been a hard decision to make.
Love you too
many hugs for you
You are such a good friend
Tina~
Tina,
My children have moved about 10 times in the last 11 years.
Morgaine,
Thank you! I really needed to hear what you had to say about your kids living through the changes of moving. My dd isn't making this easy on me. She is crying everyday since I told her and we won't be moving for at least 4-9 months. She is acting like it is the end of the world and like she will never see her friends again. All I can do is tell her I will take her to her friends houses as much as I can and she can visit her dad or grandmother who lives in our area right now who is close to her friends. She is acting like we are moving out of state or to another country. We live in Maryland by the way. We live in a place called Glen Burnie. It is 10 miles from Annapolis. I noticed you said you lived in Maryland.
I am already sick of being upset over this decision to move. She isn't giving me a break on it at all. I am a reck and it isn't helping my BP at all. I am feeling myself go down in a depression and I am begining to recent her for that, but I know she is feeling what she is feeling and she has a right to her own feelings. She is really pushing my buttons and making me feel guilty. I am trying not to feel guilty but it isn't easy when I have her crying and acting like I am ruining her whole life.
I think it is great your kids take on responsibilty. That is something I never inforced enough. Cleaning and things like that. I have spoiled my dd with freedom but money we never really had alot of, so she doesn't get much from me there. I just don't know how to help her through this transition. Right now I feel like we are in a battle. I feel like going away all by myself and hiding away forever. This is really bringing me down right now.
Thanks again for your support. It is always good to get feedback from others.
Tina~