Proactive or.......??? -triggers
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 12:59pm |
as most of you know my mother and her alcoholism is a huge trigger for me. she can either infuriate me or depress me in a matter of minutes. this is one reason it's been so hard for me to find stability and stay there.
recently i discovered that the alcohol has possibly deadly effects for those with high blood pressure. i learned this after she complained about hers being elevated ever since she came home from the hospital........when she started drinking again. i did some research and that is what i found out.
well, i contacted my sister because i want to bring this to my mothers attention but don't trust my own temper to be able to approach the situation in a calm and collected manner. so i asked my sister to be here as well to help keep me in check so to speak.
tonight is the night when this is all going to transpire. right now i'm a wreck. my stomach feels like an erupting volcano or rather one that's getting ready to erupt. i met with tdoc today and we explored a lot of possible outcomes of this mini-intervention. most of them were not good. currently, my financial status dictates that i live with her in her house. i'm hoping that my 3 kids will curb her from putting me, and subsequently the kids, out on the street. the other fear of mine is that my mother will go into her passive/agressive mode after my sister leaves and make life for everyone here a living h(*l.
tdoc says this is a very positive and proactive step towards my stability. yet, i feel like i'm cutting my own throat.
ladies, i really need all the support i can get right now. i feel like i'm making a huge mistake doing this but everyone i have talked to about this thinks its a great move. please send me all the positive vibes you can muster.
i know a lot of you are having a hard time right now and i feel guilty asking for your support not having been able to be there for you all in a visible sense. thanks for listening.
traci



(((((((Traci)))))))
Let me tell you that when someone on this board needs my help, no matter how awful i feel, i will ALWAYS be there to help as much as i can. I am so sorry about what your going thru with your mom. Alcoholisim runs in my family so i can definately relate. when you see someone you love fall apart in front of your eyes, it's so hard to bare especially when your trying to get your life together too. maybe if you try to get her to understand that she's not only hurting herself, but think about her grandchildren must feel. maybe if you come at her like that, she may see. i also think there should be a third party who is completely un-biased and someone whom she respects tremendously. Is your mom religious? if so, have her pastor, priest, rabbi whatever there with you. this is a hard one so i can only guess what your going thru.
Traci, you have my prayers and possitive thoughts coming to you and i hope everything turns out well. keep me informed (if you can) about the outcome. i'll alway be hear to listen.
valerie
Hi Traci!
Traci, if it helps, let me say that IMHO, you are doing the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is not the easiest thing to do. But, be proud of yourself! Somehow, this will work out.
{{{{{{{{Traci}}}}}}}
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Traci --
Hugs and positive ways are being sent your way as I speak. :) I hope things go well for you and your mother realizes that she has a problem. Keep us updated and let us know you're okay.
Cheri
((((Traci))))
You deserve all the support I can give and more. Don't worry about asking for it. That's what we are all here for. If someone cannot do it because of their situation that is for them to decide and not something you should feel guilty about.
I also think this is a postiive thing you are doing, or at least a necessary thing. I have watched you struggle as long as I have known you and I know this is a huge part of it.
I hope it goes well (or rather went well, now).
All my love,
Amanda
i want to thank all of you for your support, hugs, positive vibes. the meeting went about as well as i expected it to........in other words, in one ear and out the other. she was polite and accommodating while my sister was here and as soon as my sister left, she put her defenses up with me, and proceeded to do her nightly ritual and was trashed by bedtime.
i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, as she has barely said two words to me since this went down. but i've done my part and i now need to work on just letting it all go. i need to try to put my focus back on my school, my kids and if there's room, on me.
at least my stomach has calmed down somewhat, so that's at least one positive that came out of the whole mess. i feel, in some ways, that i failed but that's what i need to work on letting go of. but, in the same turn, the love of a parent makes that a very difficult task. dealing with that is similar to dealing with bp......it's an endless cycle. the difference being one day i will achieve stability with the bp. no matter how hard i try, i can't make her quit drinking.
anyway, i wanted to thank you all for your support. it really means a lot to me.
hugs,
~traci~