New here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
New here...
4
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 1:39pm

Hi all,


I've been lurking here off and on for a while and finally decided to post. Traci, remember me?!


Anyway, I was diagnosed as bipolar in March 2004. I take 250 mgs of Lamictal and 10 mg of Lexapro. I have also been prescribed Lorazepam but have only taken it once.


My story is very long, and I won't bore you with all the details, but I suffer mainly from deep depressive episodes with occasional manic episodes. My manic episodes began after the birth of my second child in 2001. I was extremely depressed, my then husband was travelling all the time, and I felt completely overwhelmed trying to care for two children and work full-time. I started spending money compulsively to soothe myself. I got into deep debt as a result. The highs from the spending sprees and subsequent crashes accompanied by extreme guilt and anxiety started to take their toll. I had been in therapy, so that helped me get through the diagnosis.


My marriage started to deteriorate last year and ended at the end of this past January. I realized through therapy that I was married to a very controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive man. He is also an alcoholic. The worse his drinking got, the worse his rage and anger became. When I told him the marriage was over in December, he became very irrational. He woke up my kids at 5:00 one morning after getting drunk the night before and took my girls away to a friend's house. I will never forget the fear on their faces as he drove away.


It's been four months since the divorce, and he is getting married this weekend. I'm having a really hard time dealing with all of this. I get overwhelmed easily with anything and everything going on in my life. I realized this week that I'm going through a depressive episode. I don't want to get out of bed in the mornings, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I've gotten twinges of wanting to go out and spend money to make myself feel better, but I know how to stop myself now thank goodness. I want my ex-H totally out of my life, but that can't happen until my daughters are grown. They are 3 and 7 yo now.


I have a wonderfully supportive people in my life who are helping me get through. But no one totally understands what it's like. I am so angry at my ex-H. There are days when I want to throw things and scream at the top of my lungs. I have found, however, that having lots of escapes (going to the movies, reading, etc.) are helping.


Well, I've written a novel here! LOL I look forward to getting to know you all better. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: ting_tn
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:54pm

Welcome back to the board. I can't really relate to the drinking, but the abuse I sure can. My xdh abused me physically, mentally, financially, etc... 8 months ago, exactly 1 day after 36th birthday my xdh left me, right after our 12th anniversary (would have been) he announced he is engaged. I'm so sorry you have to go through this crap too.

Just know now that he is her problem. You are a strong woman who can make it through anything you put your mind to. Hang in there.
Hugs & Hope
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: ting_tn
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 5:06pm

(((((((((ting)))))))))) of course I remember you!!! i can sooooo relate to your plight right now. sweetie, what you are feeling is so normal and all i can say is it does get better where the ex is concerned but i've come to realize i don't believe it ever fully goes away. i still have issues with mine 5 years after the fact. He's now taken to calling me to complain about his new girlfriend! when he started that i realized i really need a life!


the bp is only part of it for me. the depression 1/2 is the worst and i'm still fighting it. i can say that any time you need to talk, you can always e-mail me. i'm wondering though (if i'm not being too personal) how's ~c~ doing? are things ok on that front?


btw, i'm looking forward to july........is that still on? anyway, i know i probably haven't been too helpful, but i wanted to let you know i totally understand where you are coming from and anytime you want to vent, feel free to e-mail me. if nothing else, i'm a good listener. hang in there hon.


hugs


~traci~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
In reply to: ting_tn
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:41pm

((((((((Traci)))))))


Thanks so much! It really helps to talk to people who understand. I'm glad to see that you're more stable with everything.


Things with ~C~ are absolutely marvelous! We are doing really well and are both very happy. Dealing with XH makes things a bit difficult sometimes

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
In reply to: ting_tn
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:45pm

Thanks, Carla. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. One of the hardest parts of all of this has been dealing with friends and family who never see what goes on behind closed doors. XH is VERY charming, good looking, and in good shape. You wouldn't know how much of a control freak he is unless you lived with him day in and day out.


Well, I'm much better off now. Just got to hang in there with this BP stuff.


Thanks for the welcome and hugs.